


Clotting Blood

by EllaBesmirched (El_Bell)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Ben and Tig, Ben and Tig are ADORABLE ok, But we don't judge, Emotions, Emperor Hux, Fluff and Smut, Force Choking, Force Fantasies, Force-Sensitive Hux, Han might be an alchoholic, Hux is Not Nice, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren: AKA GIANT EXPOSED Nerve, Kylo Ren: Human disaster, Look AT ALL THESE FEELINGS, M/M, MY EMOTIONS, Oral Sex, POV Kylo Ren, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Sad Space Gays, Seriously Kylo Ren is nothing BUT angst, The Force Ships It, everything hurts and nothing is beautiful, kylux fluff, my, over the pants handyyy, yes his nickname is tig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-08-29 11:47:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8488135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/El_Bell/pseuds/EllaBesmirched
Summary: “I said stop it,” Hux commands. “Stay in your own head, you petulant child.”Kylo shakes his head. “I don’t like it here,” he says.Hux grabs him by the chin again and forces his head up. “You made that world,” he whispers. “And you will live in it.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ajaxthegreat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ajaxthegreat/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Ties](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8382541) by [Ajaxthegreat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ajaxthegreat/pseuds/Ajaxthegreat). 



> Hey, y'all! 
> 
> If you haven't read the INCREDIBLE, AMAZING "Ties" by the lovely and talented Ajaxthegreat, you should go do that right now otherwise some of following won't make sense! We got together and watched Episode VII after I finished reading her FUCKING MASTERPIECE and I realized I had a story I wanted to tell too....
> 
> Sooooo this is El channeling Ajax and yeah basically I wrote fanfiction about my friend's fanfiction and fuck you that's totally normal, ok?

_The world is breaking apart. Kylo can feel it under his fingertips. Droning vibrations like an upturned beehive shaking through the snow covered ground. He waits for the bees but they never come, even when the planet opens up and tries to swallow him. Instead he feels leather on his chin. Hard fingers squeeze like a vice and wrench his head out of the snow. A furious voice says, “He’s alive. Get him on the goddamn ship.”_

_“Yes, General!”_

_He hears boots. All he can do is hear. And feel the earth vibrating at his fingertips. Everything else is cold and numb at the same time except for a spot of fire below his rib cage and at his shoulder and searing across his face. Fire and ice and vibrations and nothing nothing nothing everything_ hurts.

_“You absolute imbecile,” he hears Hux hiss as the troopers stick their hands under his shoulders. He knows Hux hasn’t found the words he’s looking for, knows that there are no words strong enough for what Kylo is. Knows there never will be._

_The troopers are fast. They have to be because the world is collapsing. Hux’s base is collapsing and Kylo distantly thinks that he’s going to be mad. It doesn’t matter as much as it should._

_He’s never been on a dying world before._

_It hurts._

_Things get quieter when the shuttle doors close. He can’t hear the planet screaming as loudly. He can still feel it. Under the fire and the ice he can feel it all. Everything is dying. The troopers leave him somewhere. He’s not sure where but he knows he’s alone._

_Almost alone._

_The shuttle takes off and he feels fingers fist in the front of his robes, jerk him once, twice, and stoke the flames racing over his face and his shoulder and he’s distantly aware that he’s made a sound. A sad, desperate sound, he’s sure, and shame claws at his chest._

_“You idiot. You disgusting, whimpering child. You sad, arrogant, imbecilic excuse for a man. I should have let you die in the snow. You’ve_ ruined everything. _”_

_“You can’t let me die. He wouldn’t let you.” He’s surprised his voice actually works._

_Hux pushes away from him with a huff of disgust and says, “I’d kill you myself if I wasn’t positively desperate to see what he does to you, Ren. I’m going to enjoy it.”_

_Kylo opens his mouth to speak again, but nothing comes out._

_The world is dying._

_He is too._

 

There is a viewport in the medbay. Kylo keeps staring out of it as the med droid tends to the hole above his hip. Kylo can’t look at the wound without feeling like he’s going to vomit.

And vomiting with a hole where your stomach should be seems like something he should avoid if he can help it.

Sitting still is its own kind of torture. There’s nothing to focus on anymore. He wants to tear the ship apart. He wants to scream. He wants to sink his fingers into the chasm on his face and peel. He wants to do _anything_ that doesn’t mean he has to sit here and _think._ But med droids are bad for conversation and this one is scared of him since he’s already embedded the first one that had tended him in the far wall for jabbing him too hard with it’s stupid fucking metal arms. So all he can do is _sit_ and _heal._

He’d lost consciousness finally just as the shuttle was taking off. He wishes he’d stayed down but he’d woken back up when the troopers had put him on a gurney and wheeled him out of the shuttle. He’s nothing if not resilient.

The  droid starts bandaging his waist. He stares out the viewport at the place where Starkiller Base used to be. His hands are shaking and nothing he does makes it stop. His chest hurts. It _hurts._

The droid pushes aside his robes and moves to his shoulder before beeping at him to take them off. He glares at it and wonders how it would look embedded in the wall next to its friend. But he complies.

He pulls off one glove and drops it on the medbay floor before wrapping his bare fingers around the other one.

They come away slick with blood.

He still has blood on his hands, congealing and invisible against the black leather.

It’s probably his own. But he’s not sure.

He rips the glove off and hurls it across the room and it does nothing to calm the trembling that’s visible in his very finger tips. He yanks his robes off with short jerky motions and feels them tear away from where they had stuck to his shoulder with vicious satisfaction at the pain that jolts through his chest. He grabs at it and refuses to let it go. This is good. This is what he needs. Physical pain he understands. It makes him angry because it shouldn’t matter but it does and anger is good, anger is god, anger is anger is anger is _simple_ and _easy_ and it _doesn’t hurt._

He drops the robes on the floor on top of the first glove and considers sticking his bare finger in the hole the lightsaber left behind because he thinks it’ll hit him like an electrical shock-- hard and fast and mind numbing. For one second, he thinks, there will be nothing but _pain,_ that fire and ice raging through his skin so fiercely there is no room for thought. Or memory.

The shoulder is less severe though. The med droid leaves it cool and numb. _Relief_ he thinks bitterly as it bandages that as well and moves finally to his face.

The door opens.

Kylo knows who it is before he sees him because of course he does. Because of course Hux doesn’t know when to stay the fuck away. Because of course he has to always _be there_ when Kylo can’t think straight, when he’s certain he’s burning and goddamn it but Hux can’t just _let him burn,_ can he?

Kylo stares at him and thinks of all the times he’s knocked on his door, of all the ways Hux has stared at him in the dark and been the very arch of lightening Kylo needed to ground himself again. Kylo stares at him now and wants him to leave. Because he doesn’t even deserve that.

“Leave it,” Hux says quietly, voice hot and vicious even with those two words and distantly Kylo wonders how he does it. How he can make two little words like that sound like an inferno.

The droid stops tending Kylo’s face and moves away. It’s already mostly done anyway. It’s healed what it can and all that’s left is to numb the pain.

Kylo’s glad Hux sent it away.

“You,” Hux seeths and Kylo blinks at him. “You.” He’s seen Hux angry. He’s seen him play at it and he’s seen the real thing. But never has Kylo seen him at a loss for words. He lifts his chin and waits because he’s certain when Hux finds his voice, it’s going to be spectacular. “Are you _pleased with yourself?”_ Kylo doesn’t say anything. Because he’s shaking too. Because his skin feels like it’s burning off and everything underneath wants to come out so badly and Kylo doesn’t know what it is or if he can stop it once it’s free.

His side has stopped hurting, mostly, and his shoulder too, and the face was always cosmetic.

He can think more clearly now.

He wishes he couldn’t.

“ _Answer me.”_

“What do you want me to say?” His voice comes out more grunt than anything else and he hears the leather of Hux’s gloves creak as he clenches his fist.

Hux’s face is white. His hair is in his eyes but he doesn’t seem to notice for once, and his collar is crooked

Kylo thinks somewhat dizzily that he’s never seen Hux appear anything less than immaculate when he’s in uniform.

 _“Look what you’ve done!”_ Hux explodes, pointing out the viewport. “My base is gone! _My base_ is _gone_ and you destroyed it! I told you to forget the bloody girl, I told you to _find the droid,_ and you _disobeyed me--”_

“I don’t get my orders from you, _General,”_ Kylo says, voice oddly cold. “Or have you forgotten?”

Hux curls his lips in that way that only he can and Kylo feels his stomach twist as he forces himself to focus there because it’s better, even seeing him this angry is better.

“Better than _what?”_ Hux hisses and Kylo wants to smash him into the wall next to the droid.

“That would be a very bad idea right now, General,” he says. “Stay out of my head.”

His head is a bad place to be. All he can see is blood. Red and blue and dripping into his mouth so he can taste it, blood on the snow, blood on his _hands--_

Hux cocks his head and his lips curl again. “You did one thing right in an avalanche of failure and you think that exonerates you?”

 _One thing right_ and Kylo is going to be sick. He can’t breath and Hux is _taunting_ him--

He hears a breath of amusement. “Oh, _god_ , you sentimental _coward._ ” Kylo looks up at him and his shoulders are shaking with sudden and terrible laughter. “You weak-willed, irresolute, little _fool.”_ He hasn’t moved at all but Kylo can almost feel Hux’s hands around his throat and they’re too tight and he _can’t breath_ and the blood is in his throat and he’s going to choke on it--

“Stop it.”

“Do you think Organa knows yet?”

“Hux, stop it.”

“Do you think someone told her? Or maybe she just _felt it._ Didn’t you say she’s got some sensitivity of her own? Do you think she--”

“ _Stop it!”_ Kylo screams and everything that isn’t bolted down in the medbay surges toward the wall with the broken droid. Only Hux is unmoved, the debris flowing around him like a pulsing wave around a stone.

Hux watches a roll of gauze tumble by him and flips his hair out of his eyes.

“That’s why my base is gone, isn’t it? That’s why the girl got away, how she _beat you._ Because you’re weak. You’re a mewling infant crying for his _daddy.”_

Kylo catches his breath and doesn’t let it out and not for the first time he wonders: _does_ Leia know?

When he looks back up at Hux, he can’t stand it. He’s going to break apart like the base or burn up, he _doesn’t care_ but he needs it he needs it he needs it _so badly_ anything to make this _stop_ make it stop make it stop make it _what has he done?_ Oh god what has he done--

“What was required of you!” Hux hisses and Kylo grabs his voice because he’s sinking and he can’t can’t can’t seem to stop.

“I can’t, Hux, I _can’t--”_ His voice is thick, viscous. Clotting blood.

“Shut up,” Hux doesn’t shout but it feels like he has. “You’re right. You can’t do _anything right._ You have destroyed everything I’ve spent my entire career working toward. You let that _little girl_ beat you and you have the _audacity_ to--”

Kylo can’t take it anymore. He can’t take any of it and the room shakes and his voice cracks when he screams, “Stop yelling at me!” and it’s a stupid thing to say and he doesn’t care he can’t _take it--_

Hux takes three deliberate steps forward and wraps his fingers around Kylo’s chin, yanks his face up and screams into his mouth, “ _Are you a monster or a man, Kylo Ren?”_ Kylo pushes him away but he hangs on, frustratingly strong in that way that’s always made Kylo a little insane. “How wrong we have been about you. How wrong I have been. I always knew you were weak but the weakest monster can still rip out enough throats to be _useful.”_ His voice has gone soft in that way that Kylo usually craves only now it’s cutting through him like that motherfucking light saber had, or like he’d cut through--

“But look at you now. Good for nothing but _weeping.”_ Hux thrusts him away and Kylo feels himself tumble from the cliff he has been standing on. “You _disgust me.  You’re weak, you’re a--”_

His words die in his throat. His face goes scarlet and Kylo feels nothing but satisfaction when Hux’s hands rise to his throat like he will find fingers there and he finds _nothing._

Kylo realizes he’s been cowering, but he’s standing now, with his arm out and Hux _isn’t screaming at him anymore, is he?_ He’s choking and Kylo’s going to watch him die and fuck Snoke and fuck Starkiller Base and fuck the Finalizer because he’s going to drag them both to hell where they belong and he’s going to _watch him choke--_

Hux’s eyes are wide. Because Kylo isn’t stopping, because he knows he’s not going to. Kylo’s never seen his eyes look like that before.

His feet aren’t touching the ground and Kylo’s going to show him all about _weakness._

His lips are moving and Kylo realizes he’s trying to say something, a word, the same word, he keeps trying to hiss it but he can’t get any air out and his eyes are going wider and Kylo wonders if it will hurt to kill him too and of course it will of course it will it always hurts but he deserves it doesn’t he he has to doesn’t he because Snoke said because Vader--

He loosens his grip just a little so he can hear what it is Hux is trying tell him and Hux gasps it out and at first he doesn’t hear it so he leans forward and misses it again and his hands are still shaking but at least now they’re doing something and that at least feels good until Hux says, desperately, “Ren,” and even when he can’t breath he _still_ makes it sound like a fucking command and Kylo’s hand twitches just a little before he tightens his grip again because _nothing_ really matters and he’s going to _kill him_ and--

_Kuru: a brilliant gleaming orange marble in the sky swallowed by black and he’d always liked it even when he’d seen it in his dreams before he’d really known because somewhere in the back of his head that impossible orange had reminded him of the color of General Armitage Hux’s hair and he didn’t know why but he’d always had the strangest thought that if he touched it it would be softer than it looked-- Kuru-- swallowed up-- by darkness--_

_Do it then, you fucking coward._

Kylo drops his hand like he’s been kicked in the stomach. Hux falls to the ground, gasping, hands to his throat and when he looks up at Kylo, eyes furious and wounded, Kylo sees a blood vessel turning the white of his right eye red. “Bastard.”

Kylo’s knees are shaking and without meaning too, he’s fallen down. And he’s staring at his palms and there’s still blood there, from the gloves, and common sense tells him it’s his own but he knows it isn’t, it is it is it is even if it didn’t come from him it is, it’s _his own blood_ and _his hands_ he did it he fucking did it he said he would he’d said he would but somewhere he’d _never really thought--_

Hux is on his knees and he tilts forward and Kylo grabs at him, desperately buries his hands in the uniform and his bloody face against Hux’s chest and his voice cracks when he sobs “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so so so sorry--” and he can’t stop saying it and they both know it’s not only Hux Kylo is talking to.

Hux lets him cry. Hux lets him ruin his uniform with his blood and his tears, and when he stops crying-- not because he feels better but because he can’t make anymore tears-- Hux spits, “Idiot.” But his voice is quiet and Kylo tightens his hands at Hux’s back and presses his face closer even though the thick cloth hurts the burned slash _that girl_ had left across his face. Hux tsks and says, “Let go of me, Kylo.”

Kylo lets him go. Sits back on his heels and lets his bloody hands fall in his lap. He can’t stop staring at them. Even when Hux stands and moves away, then returns, he doesn’t lift his eyes from his hands until Hux’s come into view. He’s holding an antiseptic cloth and he tears it from the casing and Kylo jerks because it’s cold when Hux wipes it across his palms. First one. Then the other.

Kylo stares at his white plams and drags his eyes up to Hux’s face. Hux is glaring at him. “You ruined my uniform,” he says coldly. He lifts the cloth to Kylo’s face. It stings. “You’ve ruined so many things today. I should leave you here to burn.”

“Why don’t you?” Kylo asks and his voice is hoarse and barely there.

Hux doesn’t look at his eyes, stares at the corner of the cloth he’s using to wipe the blood off Kylo’s face instead. He blinks.

It’s easy with Hux. Kylo can slip in and out of his mind like he pulls on his own gloves and he feels like he fits when he’s there. Hux is seething with quiet fury and he wants to scream at Kylo some more but every time he tries to, he looks up and his chest tightens until he thinks he might suffocate.

“Get out of my head,” Hux says flatly. “I don’t want you there right now.”

Kylo doesn’t miss the way he says ‘right now.’ Hux wishes he hadn’t said it, but it’s just tumbled out. Hux looks at him and Kylo feels Hux’s anger flare.

Because she’d scarred his face.

Somehow, Kylo feels himself smile, even though the expression is bitter. Hux glares at him again and pushes him out. He doesn’t fight back. He could. He could force his way inside and never leave. He almost wants to, almost wants to watch the way Hux will struggle for it, push back and fight like the girl had, only Hux isn’t strong like she is and he will fail, eventually they all fail and he slides in like a shadow to stick in their heads, like a drop of black oil on water, unwelcome and _disgusting--_

“Ren,” Hux says sharply and Kylo’s eyes focus on him and Hux is scowling at him and before he can stop himself, he pushes back in again because it’s better here, it feels _so much better_ \--

“I said stop it,” Hux commands. “Stay in your own head, you petulant child.”

Kylo shakes his head. “I don’t like it here,” he says.

Hux grabs him by the chin again and forces his head up. “You made that world,” he whispers. “And you will live in it.”

He looks around the room and when his eyes find Hux’s again, he knows how stupid he looks, how weak, knows he has tears trying to fall. “Make it stop.”

Hux sits back on his own heels. “I don’t think I can. I’m not sure I want to.”

“We can _build another base,”_ he hisses and Hux’s glare darkens because the implication is clear: But I can’t bring him back.

“ _That base_ was my life’s work, Ren. And it was destroyed because you _can’t control yourself._ Because you had to go for the girl when we should have taken the droid and destroyed the whole goddamn planet.”

“You can,” Kylo says darkly, leaning forward on his knees. Hux scowls and tilts his head on his neck, unaffected and livid at the same time.

“I can _what?”_

Kylo tumbles forward, his bare hands fisting in Hux’s shirtfront and pulls him forward even as Hux leans away, his lips curling in unmitigated disdain. “Control me,” he whispers, voice slick like oil and he enjoys a moment, a small moment, when Hux’s fury is joined by something else and he thinks distantly that Hux has been angry at him before but not like this, never like this and maybe that’s exactly what he _needs--_

Hux curls his hands around Kylo’s wrists and pushes him away. “As I said. You are completely incapable of even a modicum of self control. Keep your disgusting hands off of me, you filthy ingrate.”

Kylo knows he doesn’t mean to but there’s something familiar in his voice, something that shouldn’t be comforting but is, god, it is, and Kylo feels himself lean forward, just a little, and before he can stop himself he’s in Hux’s head again and he’s brought a memory with him without meaning to, a single image that makes Hux’s chest hitch and his eyes go dark and bright just before he shoves Kylo out again and he’s right, Kylo doesn’t have a shred of self control because he leans forward again and covers Hux’s lips with his own and when Hux fights him he just pushes back harder until they both fall and Kylo’s on top of him holding his shoulders to the medbay floor and feeling fury radiating from him in waves and it’s good, it’s so good and he deserves every speck of it--

Hux slaps him hard and the leather makes it hurt more than it should. Before he can pull back Hux has his boot against Kylo’s waist and he shoves hard and for a moment, the world is obliterated in a sea of white static and black fire.

For a moment, everything else is gone and that’s all there is.

When he comes back, grasping the newly bloodied gauze at his waist, and gasping for air, Hux is standing over him with his orange hair in his beautiful green eyes, furious and shaking again. Hux kicks him, once, twice, and hisses, “Is that what you want?” and he looks like he’s about to say more, but Kylo is hunched fetal on the floor with his cheek pressed to the metal and he sobs, “Yes.”

Hux pulls up short, boot stopping in mid air, and puts his foot back down. “No,” he says sharply, and Kylo turns his forehead to the floor. “No. I’m not-- If you want-- you can do it yourself. I won’t. I’m not going to. I won’t.”

He’s so angry that he’s barely coherent, but there’s something more in his voice that makes Kylo’s chest clench as he vaguely recalls _You’ve ruined so many things tonight_ and it occurs to him that his whole life he’s never known when to just _stop._

He takes a huge shuddering breath and tries to focus on the fading pulse in his waist but instead he thinks of all the times he took things a step too far, all the jokes he’d laughed at until they weren’t funny any more, all the games he’d played until everyone around him was bored to tears except he hadn’t quite gotten it perfect yet, all the times he’d stayed up late meditating even though Luke had told him he wouldn’t master anything if he was too tired to stand, and one time he’d even thrown a stupid board game at Uncle-- at _the wookie--_ because Ben had told him to stop letting him win, he was old enough, he could win on his own, but he _hadn’t_ and it wasn’t _fair_ and Chewie had looked _so sad_ and Han, Han had been so _livid_ he’d ripped the board in half and Leia had been so _disappointed_ and he’s crying again and thinking it’s true, he’s never been anything but a _disappointment_ and a _failure_ and his waist, his waist is throbbing and all he can hear is the sound-- that _horrible sound--_ Chewie had made when he’d-- when he’d…

“Kylo,” Hux says softly and Kylo goes still because Hux is Hux is Hux is the lighting rod and-- “You’re no good like this.”

“What?”

“You’re no good to anybody like this. Not to the Order, not to Snoke… Not to me. Pull yourself together.” His voice is harsh in a way Kylo has heard before. Like when he screams at the troopers. Not passionless but also not…  

Kylo swallows and sits up because Hux told him to. And his waist hurts again and he can’t think of it without thinking of how he got it, what _he’d done_ and, “I need you.”

“No,” Hux says furiously. “Get off the floor, _now.”_ Kylo stares up at him and he says again, “I said _get up.”_ And Kylo feels like he’s been shocked, like all the static in the air between them has arched into his chest and he gets up.

Hux pushes his hair out of his face and tugs his collar back into place and the motions are curt and violent and Kylo watches him do it, watches his stupid black gloves curl around the hem of his jacket and he yanks it down before he shoves his hands behind his back and Kylo is sad to see them disappear because there is something so frustratingly, gratingly _attractive_ about those goddamn gloves and focusing on _anything_ other than what is spiraling in his brain is so _important._

His breathing evens out and he doesn’t realize it until he sees that Hux’s has too. He lifts his eyes from Hux’s waist and sees the broken vessel in his eye and just above his perfect collar, his creamy throat has turned red and blue.

He brings his fists to his eyes and tries not to hit his knees again because everything felt better on the ground and says “Fuck, fuck, fuck, Hux, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, fuck, I’m--”

“Shut up,” Hux says like he can’t believe he has to say it. “I didn’t tell you to grovel; I told you to _pull yourself together.”_ Kylo falls silent but he’s still shoving his fists into his eyes and he sees spots and Hux says dangerously, “Ren.”

Kyo swallows and lowers his hands. “Y-yes, General.”

Hux’s shoulders relax and there was a time, before everything, before Starkiller Base, before Kuru,  _before_ when Kylo wouldn’t have noticed, when the motion would have been so slight, he would have missed it, but not now, now he sees it and he understands and he feels the twisting in his chest even out a little more. “Good,” Hux says and then he jerks his chin. “Go sit.”

Kylo sits on the edge of the cushioned alcove where the med droid had been treating him like he’ll have to spring off of it and fight at any minute. Hux rolls his eyes and says, “Why aren’t you in the bacta tank right now?”

Kylo’s shoulders sag and he says grudgingly, “I. Didn’t want the sedatives.”

Hux’s lips curl. “It’s your fault your face is scarred then.”

Kylo doesn't say anything but he can feel Hux’s annoyance at that, brimming over and vaguely knows he’s supposed to feel it because he wasn’t _supposed_ to have scars on his face, Hux _liked_ his face the way it was.

“I’m calling the droid back. If you break it I will be… very unhappy.”

Kylo grunts, “Yes, General,” and looks away. Hux follows the droid back in and glowers at it as it strips the bandages from his waist and tends to the hole Hux had mutilated with the heel of his boot.

Kylo has to sit still.

The stupid fucking droid takes the pain away and his head is so much clearer when his skin doesn’t hurt, and he starts to find other deeper hurts that bacta can’t heal and it’s like standing on that fucking cliff again, staring down and knowing he has to jump or maybe he already has but he will _never stop falling--_

Hux shifts just a little. Kylo hears his boots on the floor and his eyes jerk from the droid to Hux and the rushing in his ears fades.

It fades.

He takes a deep breath.

Another.

The droid leaves.

Hux blinks and his eyes look tired. His shoulders look tired. Kylo blinks back and realizes he’s tired too, more tired than he’s ever been. For the first time, he realizes Hux isn’t standing evenly. He’s putting all his weight on his right foot.

“What happened to your leg?” Kylo says sharply and Hux’s lips curl.

“You were not easy to retrieve,” he barks furiously. “I lost two troopers trying to get to you.”

Kylo reaches back and can’t remember exactly how far away from the shuttle he was when they found him, how long it took them to carry him back, when he felt Hux and knew he was coming. “How?”

“The planet was breaking apart. You’re lucky it didn’t swallow us both.”

“Are. Are you alright?”

“I’m _fine,”_ Hux spits as if he’s furious Kylo has the gall to ask. “It’s only a bruise,” he adds and then grimaces like he wishes he could swallow the words back up before they ever came out.

Kylo nods and realizes the droid gave him something. Hux probably told it too, the sonofabitch. His head feels fuzzy and all the static is starting to feel soft and clingy instead of huge and gritty and loud. Hux’s eyes on him go sharp and knowing.

“I need to lay down.” His tongue feels thick.

“Lay down,” Hux says.

Kylo doesn’t move. “Don’t go.”

Hux's eyes flutter closed, just for a second and Kylo remembers that he’s got a tidal wave of rage pulsing in his chest and he’s holding it all in check right now and Kylo can’t quite figure out _why,_ why Hux doesn’t just let it loose and drown him with it. “Lay down.”

Kylo lays back against the cushioned bench and it feels better here. Firmer. The room starts to pulse at the edges but he’s afraid to close his eyes, afraid of what he’ll see. He stares at the ceiling for a long time and never blinks.

He’s aware, almost distantly, that Hux has moved and he hears leather creak and a strange hissing sound and then a thud and he turns his head even though it feels like rolling a boulder over rather than just letting his cheek hit the cushion.

Hux has punched a wall. He has both fists pressed to it now with his head sunk between his shoulders and Kylo has never seen him like this before.

He remembers then.

_We can build another base._

Hux’s forehead hits the wall and he punches it again. Kylo feels something in his chest crack and he says, “Hux.”

Hux’s shoulders twitch but he doesn’t move and Kylo can’t resist slipping inside though he knows he shouldn’t.

_What have you done, my beautiful monster? What have you done to me?_

Kylo pulls away and realizes Hux doesn’t know. His eyelids feel heavy.

Hux finally turns around and looks at him and Kylo feels the fracture in his chest shatter. He can’t stand it. He needs to hold it together and he says thickly, “Hux.”

“Go to sleep, you idiot.”

“I’ll make them pay.”

“You can’t even capture of a goddamn droid, Kylo. You’re useless.”

“No. No. I. I killed Han Solo. I--”

“Killed a sad _old man--”_

“You don’t need the base. You have me.”

Hux laughs bitterly and the sound is like another saber slash. Hux’s arms fall to his side and he comes to sit beside Kylo in the hardbacked chair by the alcove. “Starkiller Base for a walking tantrum with a lightsaber. How _lucky_ I am.”

No!” Kylo says sharply and with a gargantuan burst of strength he lifts his arm and grabs Hux’s wrist, pulls him forward, and when he kisses him, for just a moment, Hux kisses back. Kylo can feel how much he hates him, how much he hates that he lets Kylo touch him at all, how much Hux wants to just strangle him and dump him out an airlock and under all of it, he can feel how much Hux wishes all of it _wasn’t Kylo’s fault_ because then he could just kill whatever idiot fucked up the worst and make himself feel better by fucking Kylo until he begged for it but he _can’t_ because Kylo was at the center of it all, tearing everything away in strips and leaving him raw and--

“I told you to stay out of my head.”

“I told you I like it better there.”

Hux has his forehead pressed to Kylo’s and the room is starting to spin. Kylo can’t hold himself up anymore and he falls back heavily against the table and somehow, he’s managed to grab Hux’s hand.

He doesn’t let go and Hux doesn’t make him.

He closes his eyes.

Hux’s hand is shaking when he brushes the hair off Kylo’s forehead and for just a second, lays the tips of his fingers against Kylo’s cheek, where the saber slash had burned him.

“I’ll make them pay,” Kylo whispers again and his voice sounds like it’s reaching his own ears from under water. “You won’t need a base. I’ll make them all… kneel… at your feet.”

Kylo feels Hux’s fingers tighten around his.

And then he feels nothing at all. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux sits, lounges indolently in a hard, high back chair and one of his ankles-- the bruised one, Kylo sees-- lifts to rest on his knee. “And what exactly are you proposing?”
> 
> “The Force can do… many things.”
> 
> “Elaborate.”
> 
> “I… have an idea. Let me show you.” Hux doesn’t say anything, but Kylo can feel his displeasure like the temperature in the room has actually shifted and he says quickly, “Please, sir, can I show you?”
> 
> Hux shifts in his seat and stares at Kylo so long, Kylo feels like he’s going to vibrate out of his own skin. “Do it.”

Hux has Kylo moved to his rooms while he’s still sedated. When he finally wakes up a full cycle has passed and he’s ravenous but he can’t make himself move from his bed. He’s still wearing the same clothes. His pants are stiff with mud and blood and melted and dried snow. Someone left his filthy robes and horrible gloves in a pile next to his bed and someone else put his mask beside that. He stares at his mask for a long time and wonders how he ever thought it could protect him. It hides his face from the world. But it doesn’t help him hide from himself.

He puts it on anyway, without getting out of the bed, without changing his filthy pants or pulling off his boots. His waist and shoulder are stiff, but otherwise fine, but the mask sits at just the right spot that the pressure on his face makes him feel like he’s splitting open. 

It’s easy to think of the girl when his face is throbbing. 

Easy to focus every ounce of his considerable rage at the  _ scavenger,  _ and the  _ traitor,  _ and the  _ pilot.  _ They’d mucked everything up, stuck their hands where they didn’t belong and if they hadn’t, if they’d just given him what he’d wanted from the start, Hux wouldn’t have had to blow up a whole system and Starkiller Base would still be there, perfect and menacing like its general, and Kylo would have finally found Skywalker and Han wouldn’t have had to come after the girl and Kylo wouldn't have had to--

He takes a shower. 

He can’t define what he feels. There’s too much of it and he feels like it’s going to drown him and he realizes as he lets the hot water run over his head that that’s how he’s supposed to feel. If killing Solo hadn’t made him feel like this, Snoke wouldn’t have told him to do it. He wouldn’t have begged Snoke to let him. 

He’s supposed to feel this way. 

The thought brings quiet. Not calm. Not peace. But quiet.

He takes his meals in his room for five cycles and only takes his mask off to eat. 

He can hear once it gets quiet. He can hear the troopers who survived silently weeping for fallen comrades and hoping no one notices, lest they be sent to reconditioning. He hears Phasma, stomping down the halls in boots bigger than his, looking for any opportunity to yell at someone because she’s still convinced her hair smells like trash and it’s making her want to punch something. He can hear every single soldier, no matter their rank, who passes Hux suddenly go bright and hot with unmitigated fear the instant they see him. 

And he can hear Hux. 

Hux is in every corner of the ship, every crevice and Kylo can feel him like a blast from a furnace, hot and powerful and impossible to ignore. All around him. 

Time hasn’t cooled the inferno is his head. He’s treated all his soldiers mostly the same way he’s always treated them, but they know. They know something has changed inside him. All that fire and light and heat is still there, burning, getting bigger, and instead of letting it ravage the ship, he’s pushing it down, harder, tighter, hotter, until Kylo thinks of a white dwarf collapsing on itself in the moments before it flares out in a devastating shower of brilliant destruction and he wonders how much longer Hux can hold it all in before he extinguishes them all. 

Kylo can’t stand it. It’s worse than what’s in his own head, the impossible weight of the dying star in Hux’s. Hux sees Starkiller Base collapse in his dreams. He sees Kylo too and part of the time he’s strangling him and the other part he’s holding him and Kylo knows that Hux can’t decide which is better, or worse. 

Kylo waits until the halls are empty to slip out. He waits until he can feel Hux burning him alive from the inside out, waits until he’s certain Hux can’t hold it in anymore. And then he knocks on his door. 

Hux knows it’s him. Of course he does. They can feel each other, always now, Kylo can always find him wherever he is on the ship and he knows, because he’s been in Hux’s head enough, that Hux can feel him too, if he’s close enough, and close enough gets farther every day. 

Hux is standing in front of the door and Kylo can  _ feel him  _ but he’s just staring at it. Kylo stares too because he wants so badly to touch him, he’s afraid if he moves he’ll break the door down. 

He stares for a long time before Hux finally opens the door. 

He’s in his sleep clothes. His hair is damp and soft; he’s washed the pomade from it and it’s feathery instead of slicked back and immaculate. He looks young until his eyes narrow and Kylo remembers out of all of them, no one has more iron in his veins than Armitage Hux. Not Phasma. Not a single soldier on the Finalizer. Certainly not Kylo. Maybe not even Snoke himself. Kylo thinks there’s not a single man alive who can bare the weight of the galaxies in Hux’s chest except Hux himself. 

Kylo wonders if he can help though. If he can fit some of them in the space where his heart used to be. 

Hux doesn’t want his help. He wants to drown Kylo in his own blood. He wants to watch him burn. 

Kylo is glad he wore his mask, so Hux can’t see him flinch. 

Hux considers him in silence for a long time, and Kylo can feel his churning rage crystallizing into icy fury and he’s not sure which is worse. Both burn. He remembers Hux’s voice when he’d found him, dying in the snow, remembers how his wrath had washed away the sheer relief that he had let himself feel for a few wonderful heartbeats between laying his hands on Kylo’s face and realizing he was alive and ordering the troopers to get him on the shuttle. 

Kylo is desperate to bring back the relief, desperate to chase away his horrible anger, if only for a second, because it’s too much and Hux is afraid he will burst with it and the feeling is so strong Kylo can taste it. Hux is pulsing with it and Kylo is sure he doesn’t know how much he’s revealing, how much is leaking from his skin to seeth in an ever expanding bubble around his thin frame because if he did, he’d pull it all back, he’d never let Kylo know, never never never let Kylo know what  _ Kylo had done to him-- _

“I have nothing to say to you.” 

Kylo grimaces behind his mask because Hux has words, Hux always knows what to say and to think that he has  _ nothing  _ is worse than if he’d berated him. Infinitely worse. 

“Then don’t say anything,” Kylo says. “Just let me in.” 

Hux’s right eyebrow raises and Kylo braces himself. “And if I say no? Are you going to bash the door down? Throw me to the floor and  _ lay on me  _ like the brute you are?”

Kylo lowers his chin to his chest and a strange memory slams into his head. 

Han had been reading something when Kylo was so young and Ben wasn’t sure what it was but Han had grimaced and looked up at him and in a rare lack of paternal ineptitude, he’d said, “Ben. Don’t ever touch a woman that doesn’t want to be touched.” 

Leia had looked up at him and said sharply, “What’s gotten into you?” Han handed her the screen and she’d taken one look at it before making a face.

Ben, thinking of the boy he’d been watching Uncle Luke train that day, had asked, “How do you know if they want to be touched?” 

Han’s cheeks went red and Ben thought he was going to go all quiet and annoyed like he always did when Ben asked too many questions but then Han had grinned with one side of his face and said, “Well, you’ve got a leg up at least, you’ve got the whole  _ Jedi  _ thing--  _ Ow,  _ fuck, Leia, what--” 

Leia was livid. “Don’t you  _ dare  _ tell him that!”

“Tell him  _ what--” _

“Ben, if I ever hear you’ve--” and she slapped Han on the back of the head again before she kept speaking. “Used  _ the Force  _ or-- or  _ Jedi mind tricks to--” _

“What’s all that training Luke’s doing for then!” Han inserted. “He  _ knows  _ not to--”

“Ben Solo, if I  _ ever  _ hear,” she said again. “That you’ve used the Force to… to woo a pretty girl--” She stumbled then, and Ben saw her cheeks go red too and wondered why. But then he also hadn’t understood what she’d meant then by ‘woo a pretty girl.’ Kylo knew now. “There won’t be a single place in the galaxy far enough away for you to hide from me.” 

Han scowled at her and rubbed his head where she’d hit him. “Dunno what you’re so worried about. He’s a  _ Solo.  _ He won’t have any trouble with the ladies.” 

Chewie laughed and shouted something and Han said, “That’s a different kind of trouble and you know it.” Leia rolled her eyes. 

Ben didn’t say anything. They hadn’t told him how he was supposed to know, but he was thinking of the boy with the butter blond hair again and he decided it would probably be easier to just ask him. 

Kylo thinks of the boy with the blond hair too. 

He thinks of how red it had looked when Kylo had slit his throat. 

“No,” Kylo says softly. 

Hux shifts on his feet and Kylo sees that he’s still favoring one leg, just a little. Hux looks him up and down once and any other time the path his eyes carve would have left Kylo quivering with tension, anticipation, longing. Now Kylo only shutters and tries to stand still. 

Hux takes a step back from his door and Kylo feels a tight thread of something painful in his chest unspool, just a little. He steps inside. The door shuts behind him. 

Hux turns without saying anything, pads barefoot down the hallway and Kylo’s chest clenches when he thinks of the last time he’d seen Hux exactly like this, only his hair had still been slicked back and he’d put the gloves on because Kylo had asked him to, but otherwise, exactly the same, and he’d looked over his shoulder and the heat in his eyes had set Kylo’s blood to boiling until he ached with it, until he thought he’d burn up right there in the doorway and that it would be best thing that had ever happened to him. 

That had been before the pilot. Before the droid. Before the traitor and the girl and. Solo. Before Kylo’s actions had poked a hole in Hux’s perfect plans. 

When Kylo follows Hux down the hall, he finds him standing in the center of the room with his arms crossed. “Say what you came to say. Then get out.” 

Kylo feels like he’s trying to make himself shrink. His head is low on his hunched shoulders and he’s staring at Hux’s feet because it’s too hard to look at his face right now. Hux exhales and the sound is loud and condescending and it cuts through Kylo’s head. Kylo says, “I can feel you.” 

Hux stares at him in disgusted disbelief and doesn’t say anything. 

“Let me help you.” 

“ _ Help me? _ I don’t need your help.” Hux’s voice is so quietly vehement, Kylo feels like an insolent child for even uttering the words. 

“I know you don’t. But maybe you… want it.” 

“I don’t,” he says flatly. “I don’t even want to look at your  _ moronic mask.”  _

“I can make you feel… better.” 

Hux huffs out another breath of disbelief and says, “And how do you think you can do that? Did you bring a knife for me to gut you with?” 

Kylo lifts his head a little. “You can hurt me.” Kylo watches Hux’s face goes brilliantly red and he feels his heart begin to race because he can tell, even without being in Hux’s head, how much that idea appeals to him. He takes a step forward and says, “You like that. You can, you know.” 

“No.” The color drains from his face when he hisses the word like it repulses him, his lips curling again, and Kylo draws up short. 

“But you--”

“No,” Hux spits again and there’s more venom in that one word than Kylo thought was possible. “I don’t want to look at you. I don’t want to touch you. I don’t want you to touch me with your  _ filthy  _ hands. I want you to leave.” 

“Hux,” Kylo begins, but Hux cuts him off with a furious sound, and Kylo realizes he’s cracked, realizes it tore out of him against his will and his face is red again when he spits, “You understand nothing, do you? Get out.”

“I don’t have to touch you.” 

Kylo feels the bubble of rage surrounding Hux pulse and he knows he is within seconds of bringing all of it down upon his own head. He doesn’t care. He wants it. 

“What.” 

Kylo narrows his eyes and the shock of hair falling in front of Hux’s face lifts off of his forehead. Hux twitches, eyes crossing and focusing suddenly on the movement, but then he looks back at Kylo and Kylo sees his pupils dilate. 

Kylo’s voice is low and dark when he says, “I don’t have to touch you. You don’t have to look at me. I’ll keep my mask on.” 

Hux considers him in spectacular silence and Kylo can see equal parts disgust and intrigue roiling across his face. His shoulders look tight and hard and Kylo can see how badly he wants to just lay down, to sleep, to spend a few moments without the stars in his chest crushing him. He can also see how badly he wants to tear Kylo apart.

Kylo falls to his knees before he can think about it and he feels the air in the room shift from brittle and icy to tight and thick. “Hux-- General. Let me be what you need. Please.” He’s staring at Hux’s bare toes and they turn toward him then, heels snapping together, and he knows if he looks up he will find Hux considering him with perfect, immovable posture, hands behind his back, intoxicating disdain curling his lips, and dizzying heat in his eyes. 

His heart jumps in his chest at the thought but he forces himself to stare at Hux’s feet because he knows that’s what Hux wants, knows that’s all Hux thinks he deserves. Knows Hux is right. 

Hux stares at him for a long time and Kylo forces himself to sit still even though he’s never never never been good at sitting still because when his body slows down his brain speeds up and he can’t handle it, can’t handle the vicious spiral of his own thoughts looping in circles in his head and Hux knows it, the bastard, he knows it, and he loves to make Kylo wait and Kylo usually fails but he can’t right now, he has to keep his head down, he has to sit still sit still sit still sit stay stay sit stay still stay--

Hux’s toes turn away from him and every ounce of his cognitive function is instantly aware of nothing else but the white skin on the tops of his feet and his perfectly manicured toenails. 

Hux sits, lounges indolently in a hard, high back chair and one of his ankles-- the bruised one, Kylo sees-- lifts to rest on his knee. “And what exactly are you proposing?” 

“The Force can do… many things.” 

“Elaborate.” 

“I… have an idea. Let me show you.” Hux doesn’t say anything, but Kylo can feel his displeasure like the temperature in the room has actually shifted and he says quickly, “Please, sir, can I show you?”

Hux shifts in his seat and stares at Kylo so long, Kylo feels like he’s going to vibrate out of his own skin. “Do it.” 

It’s almost instantaneous. It takes Kylo by surprise, how easy it is to sink into the swirling darkness that is the  flow of the Force. It usually takes him a moment or two, to find it, but he’d been so close to it, just waiting for Hux to tell him he could. 

His heart slows. The buzzing under his skin stills. 

It’s the only time in his life he can ever sit still, when he’s here. 

Hux’s mind looks like the dying the star Kylo had imagined in his chest, impossibly hot and so bright it hurts. He slips inside and settles under Hux’s skin and feels it when Hux shudders. He shudders too, because this is different. He’s been in Hux’s mind so much it feels like home, but he’s not  _ in  _ Hux’s mind right now, he  _ is  _ Hux, and he feels everything and he is everything, everything he is and everything Hux is and everything either of them can ever be. 

He didn’t know, when he came to Hux’s room, what he would look for. 

But he knows now, and he finds it, reaches into the terrible brightness and pulls out something rich and black from the most secret, hidden parts of Hux’s mind and cloaks them both in it and they’re not in the room anymore, the room doesn’t exist, they’re gone. 

_ Hux is on the bridge of the Finalizer and he’s watching the planet burn. All around him, his soldiers are scrambling, shouting orders, blaring images of the ground below onto holoscreens for him to watch. But he’d rather stare out of the massive viewport and pinpoint the rising flames that are visible even from space.  _

_ The door opens and he doesn’t turn around. He knows who it is and the sun in his chest flares, hot and brilliant as he watches the world below him crumble. This is war. This is war and he has won.  _

_ “General.” Hux turns around and watches Ren cross the room.  _

_ So does everyone else.  _

_ Ren is like a tornado everywhere he goes. Black, raging, destructive elegance, and Hux can’t take his eyes off him, can’t help but think of loping wolves, of terrible dangerous grace. Ren stops in front of him and he doesn’t speak.  _

_ Hux knows what he’s going to say.  _

_ He lifts his eyes to the room that has gone suddenly silent and says clearly, “Leave.”  _

_ Kylo looks around, feels so many eyes on him, and forces himself not to hurl them all out, to wipe them from existence for daring to be here when he has something so important to say.  _

_ The officers take a moment to secure their stations, and then they leave, one by one, without arguing. Kylo lifts his eyes to a holoscreen as the last soldier cycles out and catches an image of Phasma, who is on the ground, eviscerating a rebel with a broken piece of armor she had found at her feet before retrieving the blaster that had been knocked from her hands.  _

_ Hux is looking at him now, green eyes impossibly black with terrible triumph.  _

_ “It’s done.” _

_ “Say it.”  _

_ “Snoke is dead. I killed him for you. The planet is yours. The battle is won.”  _

_ Ren takes his helmet off and smears black blood across his cheek when he pushes his sweat soaked hair from his eyes. He steps forward and Hux feels the corners of his mouth lift.  _

_ “There is nothing left. There is no one. There is only you.”  _

_ Ren’s eyes don’t waver from his as he drops his helmet and lets it clatter to the floor. Slowly, deliberately, he sinks to his knees and Hux can feel it pushing out from him in waves and shining in his black eyes: adoration.  _

_ Hux says, “Say it.”  _

_ “Emperor.”  _

_ Kylo feels Hux shudder, feels his toes curl in his shiny boots and he says, “Again.”  _

_ Kylo feels like there’s a vice in his chest, like he’s going to burst, like he can’t breath, and he says, “Emperor Hux.”  _

_ Hux steps forward and spreads his fingers across Kylo’s sweat soaked curls, a god bestowing a blessing, and Kylo feels it in his bones, feels it thrill through him, and it feels better than anything ever has, feels as if everything everything everything has fallen and landed exactly as it should.  _

_ Hux’s boots squeak and with an impossible shock that makes every cell of his body tingle, he realizes Hux has crouched. His knees are bent without touching the floor, and he puts his gloved hand under Kylo’s chin and with an impossibly gentle touch, he forces Kylo to lift his eyes.  _

_ Kylo stares up at him even though he’s so bright it hurts to look and Hux says, “You killed him for me.”  _

_ “Yes.” For you. All for you. “I tore his heart out with my hands.”  _

_ Hux’s eyes fall and he grasps Kylo’s wrists. “These hands?”  _

_ Ren can’t speak. He can only nod, lips parted, and Hux can feel him, feel how desperate he is, and for what, Ren doesn’t quite know.  _

_ Hux knows.  _

_ “You’ve done well.”  _

_ It’s an understatement. Hux doesn’t have words for how well Ren has done, but it’s enough for Ren, whose breath leaves him in a hot rush, whose eyes flutter closed and Hux’s hands are shaking when he lifts them from Ren’s wrists. He pushes them into Ren’s wet curls and pulls him forward.  _

_ Hux drags his tongue across the smear of black blood on Kylo’s cheek and Kylo’s vision fades in a brilliant flare of desperation so strong it robs him of breath. He takes Kylo’s cheeks in his hands and kisses him and Kylo can’t breath for the raging heat Hux’s mouth is filling him with. He’s so hard it hurts, but he almost doesn’t notice because Hux’s mouth is so much more important, the way he’s forced his tongue past Kylo’s teeth, the way he’s gripping Kylo’s face between his hands like he owns him and Kylo can’t think he can’t think he can’t think-- _

_ Hux stands and drags Ren with him and before he knows what he intends, he’s pulled Ren around and pushed him toward the viewport.  _

_ Kylo stumbles away and when he catches himself, he can only stare. His hands are shaking. He wants to fall to his knees. He wants to press his forehead to the floor. He wants to melt into Hux until he’s nothing but everything Hux needs and Hux’s voice is hot and fierce and so incredibly hard when he says “Say it again” and his hands are on Kylo’s belt, he’s bypassed the robes entirely and Kylo feels his back hit the viewport when he gasps, “Emperor, emperor, emperor.” His belt loosens.  _

_ Hux steps back and Kylo whimpers because he needs he needs his hands on him he needs it and he says frantically “It’s all yours now, all of it, it’s all yours.” _

_ Hux pushes his hair out of his eyes and Kylo sees that his hands are trembling. “And you?”  _

_ And Ren laughs, a short, sharp, amazed sound and says “I promised you, didn’t I? I promised you I’d make them all kneel before you.”  _

_ “Yes.”  _

_ “And I did.”  _

_ “Yes.”  _

_ “I’ll spend the rest of my life keeping them on their knees.”  _

_ Hux puts his hand on Ren’s throat and pushes him back to the viewport. Ren’s hips butt against the frame and Hux sees he’s so hard his cock is straining at his robes, and the viewport frame is forcing him to thrust his hips out. Hux puts his hand there and Ren moans loud and unrestrained and Hux leans in to kiss him again and shoves his own hips against Ren’s and his uniform is wonderful and terrible because it’s keeping them from touching the way he wants. Ren’s hands are at his waist, desperate and fast and Hux gasps when the cold air hits the hard heat Ren has managed to expose. Distantly, he’s disgusted, because Ren’s hands are still covered in Snoke’s blood and it’s on his skin and his uniform, and he feels like he should care more, but he can’t.  _

_ In fact, he wants it there. _

_ Ren’s gasping and moaning into his ear as Hux drags his tongue over the skin on his neck and it’s intoxicating because Hux can  _ see everything  _ and Ren is blind and burning and begging and this is exactly as it should be. Ren so desperate for him he can’t think straight, he can’t breath, and for Hux everything is crystal clear. His voice is crystal clear when he says “Get on your knees.”  _

_ And Ren gasps “Thank you,” before he obeys, drops to his knees like a stone and wraps thick hot lips around Hux’s cock and Hux gasps because Ren’s mouth, his filthy fucking mouth, is perfect and wet and hungry and Hux fits there.  _

_ He puts one hand on the viewport, twists the other in Ren’s hair, and watches the planet burn.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighhhhh* The US part of the world is a raging dumpster fire and I decided at least someone deserves a political victory. So I hope you enjoyed Hux being a fucking CRAZY PERSON. 
> 
> PS: I crave your comments. I adore your feedback. I'm still learning how to do this whole ~~explicit thing and this is actually the first sexy scene I've ever shared publicly! So let me know your thoughts and feelings. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux puts his hand against Kylo’s collarbone, gentle and deliberate, a reminder of all the times Kylo’s begged Hux to wrap his fingers around Kylo’s throat and squeeze. “Show me.”
> 
> “No.” Kylo’s voice is sharp and he doesn’t manage to keep the panic out of it. He takes a step back but Hux follows him and his hand moves higher so that when Kylo hits the wall Hux is holding him there.
> 
> “Ren. Show it to me.”

Kylo opens his eyes when he hears Hux gasp, huge and needy, and he collapses under his own weight, shoulders, head, arms going limp as the bubble of his strength flares like a supernova. He sucks in a lungful of air that seems to rush out of him again when he looks at Hux. 

Hux’s hands are white on the arms of his chair. His head is thrown back and his mouth is open and the front of his sleep pants are wet and Kylo thinks he’s never seen anything so beautiful. 

He puts his hand on the ground in front of him and feels his strength flow back into him and he wants to laugh because he’d had no idea no idea no no no idea what he was capable of, that he could bring a literal fantasy to life, and he’d been there, he’d been Kylo and he’d been Hux, and he’d felt everything everything everything that Hux had wanted him to feel and more than triumph, more than pride, more than sheer unmitigated desire, he’d been filled with complete and utter  _ adoration exaltation Emperor Emperor Emperor-- _

He tears his mask off because he doesn’t have enough air and he stands so quickly his head spins and he takes a step forward because he has to touch him, he has to hold him, he has to kiss him, he has to he has to he has to he--

Hux’s eyes snap open and Kylo draws up short like he’s struck a wall before Hux’s rage hits him like a physical thing. 

“ _ How dare you.”  _ His voice is hoarse and Kylo realizes he must have been shouting. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are so green so green so green so green so  _ angry _ and he’s shaking when he pushes himself out of his seat and says again, “How. Dare. You.” 

“I thought-- I thought you’d like--”

“ _ My thoughts are private,”  _ he hisses and Kylo doesn’t know how how how how he’s done it but Hux seems angrier than he’s ever been and Kylo can’t take it anymore he can’t  _ take it-- _

_ “Emperor Hux.”  _

Hux’s opens his mouth but no sound comes out. So Kylo says it again. 

Hux’s teeth snap together but he doesn’t close his lips and Kylo says, “You’d look good in a crown.”

Hux’s lip twitches, an unconscious movement that mimics the curl of disgust he usually wears but Kylo isn’t at all sure that it’s actually disgust he’s feeling. Kylo takes a step forward and when he puts his hand over Hux’s ear, Hux lets him. Kylo wets his lips. He can still taste Hux there and in the back of his throat and he’s hungry for him, he wants to devour him, he wants him so badly it hurts, in his chest and his cock, and hands are hot and tingling and it takes every ounce of self control he has to stand still, to move deliberately and not fling himself at Hux’s feet and beg to be touched. 

He curls his hand around the back of Hux’s head and says, “I could bow to you.”

Hux has been staring at his lips since he’d licked them and Kylo knows what he’s thinking of, knows he’s remembering Kylo trying to swallow him while he watched a planet crumble and Kylo can’t stop thinking of it either because it had felt  _ so real.  _

Hux says softly, “You already do that.” 

So Kylo says, “Then I could stand at your side.” 

“That’s treason.” Hux hisses the words like they hurt him and he likes it. Kylo doesn’t know when he’d moved forward, but there’s no space between them anymore.

Kylo feels the corners of his mouth quirk and he says, “You think he cares what I call you when we fuck?”

Hux kisses him. 

Hux kisses him and there is nothing else. 

Hux kisses him and he never wants there to be anything else ever again. 

He’s regretting wearing his robes. They’re tight and hot and he’s trying to pull them off and Hux isn’t helping him at all and Hux is Hux is Hux has his hands on Kylo’s bare chest and Kylo’s hand is stuck in his sleeve and just as he manages to shake it out, Hux says, “Show me yours.” 

Kylo feels his heart skip and his stomach drop and says, “What?” 

Hux puts his hand against Kylo’s collarbone, gentle and deliberate, a reminder of all the times Kylo’s begged Hux to wrap his fingers around Kylo’s throat and squeeze. “Show me.”

“No.” Kylo’s voice is sharp and he doesn’t manage to keep the panic out of it. He takes a step back but Hux follows him and his hand moves higher so that when Kylo hits the wall Hux is holding him there. 

“Ren. Show it to me.”

He’s shaking his head, trying to grasp a single thought in the sudden tumult in his head because there are any number of dark, secret thoughts he could share except the one he knows Hux wants to see. 

He knows Hux wants to see this one because Kylo had pulled the blackest, most secret wish from Hux’s head and put it on display and how could he have ever thought that was a good idea and he hadn’t even  _ asked?  _

“You won’t like it,” he says, and he feels like his eyes are going to fall from his head or like his teeth are going to burn through his cheeks. “It’s not like yours, it’s not--” his eyelids flutter closed against his will and he says, “I liked yours. It was beautiful.” 

Hux considers him and Kylo sees his eyes gleam and then harden. He feels the noise in his head begin to still like it always does when Hux looks at him like that and then he says firmly, “Kylo.” And Kylo feels his skin start to tingle because Hux never uses his name like that, not with that voice, not with his  _ general  _ voice and it feels more commanding and more intimate than anything he’s ever said to him and Kylo thinks of a great blue wave pounding a cliff face and leather gloves and hot skin and  _ good boy _ and there is nothing nothing nothing he wouldn’t do if only Hux kept looking at him like that. “Show. Me.”

And Kylo is falling, back into the blackness, back into the heat, back into the impossible flow that is everything and he clutches at Hux’s star and drags him toward the swirling shadows of his own head. 

_ “What the hell kind of a name is Armitage, anyway?” Han complains and Ben rolls his eyes.  _

_ “I think it’s distinguished,” Leia says carefully, shooting Han a look.  _

_ “Nobody calls him that, I told you. It’s Tig. Just Tig,” Ben replies, crossing his arms over his chest.  _

_ “Tig Hux,” Han mutters.  _

_ “Hux. I know that name. Why do I know that name?” Leia says sharply and Ben feels his cheeks go red.  _

_ “He’s… from Arkanis.”  _

_ “You told us that,” Leia says, watching Ben with that piercing look she has when she knows he’d hiding something from her.  _

_ “You met him once. On Coruscant.”  _

_ Leia’s eyes go wide. “ _ That  _ Hux?” she says sharply. “Ben.” _

_ Ben shrugs his shoulders defensively. “Not everyone who supported the Empire  _ supported the Empire _ , mom. Didn’t you tell me that?” _

_ Leia purses her lips and says, “I suppose.”  _

_ The doorbell rings and a droid goes to answer it. Ben feels his heart begin to pound even though he knows it’s not Hux because Hux isn’t supposed to be here for another fifteen minutes and Hux is nothing if not punctual-- Ben had never known him to arrive a moment sooner or later than he said he would.  _

_ It’s not Hux.  _

_ It’s Uncle Luke and Rey.  _

_ Luke’s face splits into a wide smile when he sees all of them, and he hugs them each individually as Rey’s eyes dance around the room, bright and mischievous as always. She’s ten years younger than Ben and at thirteen, she’s starting to look less like a child and more like a young woman. It’s strange. He doesn’t think he’ll ever think of her as anything but the child with prodigious force powers, the one Luke had doted on and trained as his most powerful apprentice.  _

_ Not for the first time, Ben wonders what it would be like to be able to feel the Force, and not for the first time, he decides he’s glad he doesn't have the slightest sensitivity. It seems complicated, not to mention the responsibility. Luke is constantly lecturing Rey on how important it is for her to master the Force and never give into the dark side and blah blah blah Ben wonders how she always looks so damn cheerful.  _

_ “Ben!” Luke gets to Ben last and Ben rolls his eyes before he smiles.  _

_ “Hey, Uncle Luke.” _

_ “So where’s this boy I keep hearing about?” Rey demands, peering around the room from behind Luke’s waist. “He must be something if you dragged us all here to meet him.”  _

_ “He’s not here yet, and you didn’t have to come you know. And when he gets here can you not freak him out with your weird force powers? Jedi make him nervous.”  _

_ Luke peers down at Ben with raised brows and says, “I think Rey and I can control ourselves.” _

_ Rey scoffs. “What are you doing with a boy who's scared of Jedi?” _

_ “He’s not  _ scared _ of them. He just doesn’t like them.”  _

_ “Ben!” Leia snaps.  _

_ But Luke laughs. “It’s alright, Leia. Lots of people don’t like Jedi.” _

_ “It’s the mind tricks,” Rey says cheerfully.  _

_ “Imagine that,” Ben drawls, collapsing on the couch and crossing his long arms and legs. “People don’t like having their brains fucked with.”  _

_ “Hey, watch it, kid,” Han snaps. “Don’t talk to your uncle like that.”  _

_ “I was talking to Rey. And I’m not a kid,” Ben grumbles.  _

_ “Yeah, well she is!” Han retorts, pointing at Rey.  _

_ Rey giggles. “I’m not a kid, I’m a padawan.”  _

_ “Same difference,” Han mutters. Ben watches him carefully. He’s anxious; Ben can tell. But then he always gets anxious when Ben talks about boys.  _

_ Rey shrugs and plops down on the couch beside Ben. “Not really.”  _

_ Luke snorts under his breath. He wanders off to talk to Leia and Rey leans her head against the couch. “Everyone thinks it’s weird you brought a boy home.”  _

_ Ben scowls. “Why is that weird? That’s what you're  _ supposed  _ to do. You go to school and you bring people home.”  _

_ “Yeah, but you don’t,” she says. “Everyone’s really interested to meet this guy who got you to pay attention for more than a few minutes.”  _

_ “Everyone?”  _

_ “I mean, that’s what Master Luke says.” She shrugs. “He’s been talking to Aunt Leia about it. So what’s he like?”  _

_ Ben shifts uncomfortably and shrugs. “He’s Tig. He’s like Tig. I don’t know.” _

_ Rey grins. “You  _ love  _ him.”  _

_ “Shut up, Rey,” he mutters, cheeks flushing. She sticks her tongue out.  _

_ The doorbell rings.  _

_ Ben hurls himself to his feet and beats the droid to the door. He yanks it open in a frantic rush and the world slows down when he sees Hux.  _

_ He’s frustratingly immaculate, as always, with his red hair perfectly slicked from his porcelain face and his blue sweater is perfectly wrinkle free and his khaki slacks looks expensive and he’s smirking like he always does and-- _

_ “How’s it going, Solo--” Ben twists his hand in Hux’s shirt and yanks him forward, kisses him as fiercely as he can, knowing in about five seconds every member of his family is going to appear behind the very flustered droid and embarrass the living hell out of him but he has to has to has kiss him at least once before dinner starts and maybe mess up his perfect fucking hair a little.  _

_ Hux pushes him away, cheeks going red, and pushes his hands through his hair. “Kriff, Solo, get a hold of yourself,” he hisses, trying to appear unaffected. But Ben watches the corners of his mouth lift despite his attempts to keep his expression neutral. “It’s only been three weeks.”  _

_ Ben crosses his arms over his chest. “Three weeks is a long time,” he replies.  _

_ Hux thrusts his hands in his pockets and peers past Ben. Ben turns around and finds Rey staring at him, smirking. Ben scowls, but Hux steps into the house, leaving his suitcase for the droid to pick up, and lifts his chin at Rey. “Hey.”  _

_ Rey’s cheeks color and instead of responding, she turns on her heel and sings, “He’s here!” as she disappears back into the sitting room.  _

_ Hux looks at Ben and rolls his eyes, “Let’s get this over with then. I still don’t know why you’re so eager for me to meet your family. You’re so  _ sentimental.” 

_ “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”  _

_ “That’s intentional.” _

_ Ben grins again and puts his hand on the small of Hux’s back to propel him into the sitting room.  _

_ They’re all standing. Hux draws up short and forces his face to remain impassive when they all turn and smile-- rather awkwardly-- at him. Fuck, the house is huge. He knew Ben was well off, but he hadn’t been expecting this. Ben’s mother, Leia is wearing a scarf that Hux is fairly certain cost more than his entire childhood.  _

_ Ben follows him into the room and opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, Hux cuts him off. “Senator Organa, I presume.” His heels click together and he bows curtly. “Armitage Hux. It is a pleasure to meet you.” _

_ Leia’s brows raise and she glances at Ben over Hux’s shoulder. Ben grins. “Yes, a pleasure to meet you, Armitage.” She says the name slowly, looking at Ben again.  _

_ Hux straightens and says, “Just Hux, if it pleases you ma’am.”  _

_ “Hux?” Leia asks. “Not Tig?”  _

_ Ben watches all the color drain from Hux’s face, then return in a brilliant blaze of scarlet. Ben has to bite his lip to keep from laughing, but then Tig’s completely composed himself again and he says, “No, ma’am. Just Hux. Please.”  _

_ “Oh,” Leia mutters, staring at Ben. “Ben said to call you Tig.”  _

_ Hux opens his mouth before he can stop himself. “Ben has an affinity for testing my patience.”  _

_ There is a profound silence in which everyone in the room gapes at him.  _

_ Then Han snorts and says, “Yeah, that’s a talent of his.”  _

_ “I had noticed,” Hux says smoothly, and Ben feels his stomach twist because Hux’s commanding the room like a king, has everybody staring at him in some combination of amusement and surprise, and yet he’s perfectly at ease, speaking to Ben’s mother as if he’s a visiting dignitary and not her son’s lover. “You must be Mr. Solo.”  _

_ “Yeah, that’s me.” Where Leia received a bow, Han get’s a firm handshake that Ben knows impresses him by the way his eyes go wide at the grip.  _

_ “And that makes you,” Hux turns away from Han and looks at Luke. “Master Luke Skywalker.” Luke smiles demurely. “It is a true honor to meet you, sir.” Hux’s eyes dart about the room. “All of you. I--” _

_ Hux falters when a loud yodle cuts him off and his eyes jump to Chewie, who'd been sitting quietly at the holochess table. Ben enjoys his look of pure panic when the seven and a half foot tall Wookiee stands, shouts another greeting that Ben knows Hux can’t understand, and hugs him. Hux stands very still for the hug, face going white again. _

_ Han and Leia start to laugh at the expression on Hux’s face when Chewie draws back, pats him on the shoulder, and sits back down. “Ben didn’t tell you about his Uncle Chewie?” Luke asks, voice bright and cheerful.  _

_ Hux takes a steadying breath and says, “He did.”  _

_ “Did he tall ya about me?”  _

_ Hux’s eyes fall on the girl and he seizes on the chance to turn the conversation from the truly embarrassing  _ hug  _ he’d just received-- and from a wookiee no less. He’d thought Ben had been joking when he’d said he had a wookiee for an uncle. Or was at least being metaphorical.  _

_ “You must be Rey,” he says softly, enjoying the way the girl’s cheeks go red. “You’re older than I thought you’d be.”  _

_ Rey smiles and Ben smiles too.  _

_ Because of course Hux has thoroughly charmed each of them in his strange, imperious sort of way. Except maybe Han who’s looking at him with the slightest air of incredulity.  _

_ “Do you play holochess?” Rey demands as Leia mutters something about checking on the droid making their meal. Han jumps at the chance to follow her; Luke, after giving Ben an encouraging smile, departs as well.  _

_ “Yes,” Hux replies, turning his head slightly when Ben puts his hand on the small of Hux’s back the second his parents have left the room.  _

_ “Uncle Chewie, can we play?” Rey asks brightly.  _

_ Ben shakes his head. “No, no, no, you don’t want to play with her. She cheats.”  _

_ “Do not!”  _

_ “Do too.” Ben looks at Hux. “Holochess with Rey is a good way to get mind tricked.”  _

_ “Mind tricked?” Hux says smugly. “You can’t be serious.” _

_ The wookiee shouts something and Ben chuckles. Rey looks furious.  _

_ “I don’t  _ mind trick  _ people just for holochess!” _

_ The wookiee speaks again and Rey goes red. Ben says, “Look if Uncle Chewie says it, you know it’s true.” _

_ Hux is starting to think the entire family is at least a little insane. “Are you trying to tell me you can actually… mind trick people?”  _

_ Rey lifts her brows. “Course I can, I’m a jedi, aren’t I?”  _

_ “Padawan.” Ben steps forward and wraps his arms around Hux’s waist before he puts his chin on Hux’s shoulder.  _

_ Hux lets him even though it makes his skin crawl a little, letting someone else see Ben touching him like that.  _

_ Rey rolls her eyes. “Padawan,” she concedes.  _

_ Hux looks toward the room Ben’s parents and uncle went to, painfully aware of the wookiee watching Ben hug him, even if it doesn’t seem to phase the girl-- and why doesn’t it exactly? Ben had said he’d never brought anyone else home before… _

_ “I thought that was just a rumor,” Hux admits.  _

_ Rey smirks and she says, “Hey, Ben?” before her face goes entirely slack and devoid of emotion and she says in an eerily calm voice, “You will mess up Tig’s hair.”  _

_ Hux narrows his eyes. “It’s just Hu--” _

_ “I will mess up Tig’s hair.”  _

_ Ben lifts one of his massive hands, and Hux tries to dodge but the other one has tightened around his waist. Rey is giggling and Hux’s heart is hammering when he snaps, “Ben, cut it out--” as that huge hand settles on his head and thoroughly ruins his meticulously styled hair. He looks back at Ben, livid, and sees Ben’s face is vacant and slack.  _

_ Rey is giggling and his stomach is turning.  _

_ She’d actually made him do that.  _

_ Ben’s eyes clear and after they settle on Hux, they immediately jump to Rey.  _

_ Hux’s face is white. His hair is in his eyes and he looks angrier than Ben has ever seen him.  _

_ “Kriff, Rey, that’s not funny, you can’t--” _

_ “Rey.”  _

_ They all four turn to look at Luke who’s voice is careful and measured. He’s standing in the doorway staring at Rey in undeniable disappointment.  _

_ Rey’s shoulders sag.  _

_ Ben watches her walk over to Luke with some satisfaction. She really has been a little to free with all her Jedi bullshit of late. It’s starting to piss Ben off.  _

_ Luke puts his hand on Rey’s shoulder and steers her out of the room. When Ben looks pointedly at Chewie, he shrugs, stands, and says something about going to see what Han is doing-- Ben’s not sure why he bothers since Hux can’t even understand him.  _

_ They’re alone.  _

_ Hux’s shoulders sink the second Chewie leaves the room. He steps out of Ben’s arms and glares at him while he tries to press his hair back into place. He mostly succeeds, but now he has one little strand that keeps falling in his eyes.  _

_ Ben smiles because he likes that one little strand.  _

_ “What are you grinning at me for?” Hux snaps. “You think it’s funny, her just…  _ controlling  _ people like that?” _

_ Ben shakes his head. “Uncle Luke will straighten her out. She’s a good kid anyway. She has to be. Jedi and all.” _

_ “You could have warned me about the wookiee.” _

_ “I did!” Ben laughs. “And his name is Chewbacca. It’s not my fault if you didn’t believe me.”  _

_ Hux crosses his arms over his chest. “You told your whole family to call me Tig. That’s not funny, Ben.”  _

_ Ben smiles with one side of his mouth. “Stop finding reasons to be angry with me. I’ve missed you. Haven’t you missed me?”  _

_ “No.” Hux rolls his eyes but Ben sees his cheeks flush. He says, “Idiot.”  _

_ Ben kisses him, warm and happy and not strictly chaste enough for standing in his parent’s sitting room.  _

_ Han says, “Knock it off, you two. Food’s ready,” from the doorway and Hux jolts back from Ben as if he’s been burned and Ben chuckles at the mortification written on his face.  _

_ He pushes his hands through his hair again and glares back before following Ben into the dining room.  _

_ A very flustered golden droid in a floral apron serves them all dinner and Hux has to force himself not to stare into his plate.  _

_ Ben’s family is strange.  _

_ His father is gruff and rough around the edges and he’s wearing clothes Hux wouldn’t have been surprised to see on a half homeless pirate-- not the husband of the legendary Senator Organa-Solo. He keeps shooting Hux skeptical looks that make Hux curse the piece of hair that keeps falling in his eyes and wonder if they know his slacks are secondhand.  _

_ They all seem to be able to understand the wookiee, but nobody seems to want to translate for Hux, so he’s left wondering every time that huge howl fills the room what everyone else finds so funny.  _

_ His mother at least, seems to like Hux. She keeps smiling at him and glaring at Han every time she catches Han glaring at Hux.  _

_ Hux can’t even consider the Jedi. The girl had been adorable and amusing for all of ten seconds, when Hux had realized he could make her blush if he smiled at her just so, but now, he couldn't stop thinking of the way Ben’s eyes had fogged and his face had gone slack and he’d just  _ done what she told him to  _ like it was nothing.  _

_ It makes him wonder: what can Skywalker do? _

_ By the time the meal is over, everyone but Hux seems to have loosened up. Han and Ben have had a few drinks and they’re laughing and their cheeks are flushed and Hux thinks Ben has Han’s lips. Leia keeps smiling at Ben every time he puts his hand on Hux’s back; Hux keeps having to shrug him off, and he’s annoyed because now he knows Ben is just doing it to make him uncomfortable.  _

_ Rey and the wookiee-- Chewbacca, Hux thinks-- retreat to the sitting room to play holochess and Luke says he’s going to watch, “To make sure a certain someone remembers that force powers aren’t a toy.” Rey sulks.  _

_ “Hux, have a goddamn  _ drink  _ already,” Han shouts the second Rey is out of earshot. “I don’t trust a man who can’t handle his liquor.”  _

_ “Dad, I told you, Hux doesn’t dri--” _

_ “If it’s that important to you,” Hux drawls, and Ben looks at him sharply. His face clears as he recognizes the expression in Hux’s eyes-- Hux can’t resist a challenge.  _

_ “Good man,” Han says. “Pick your poison.”  _

_ Hux lifts a brow and not for the first time tonight, Ben is struck by how utterly perfect his face is. The thought hits him like a physical thing and he wonders if he’s had a little too much to drink.  _

_ “I’m partial to Corellian Brandy.”  _

_ Han pulls a face. “Oh, we’re  _ fancy,  _ are we?” _

_ “If you don’t have any--”  _

_ Han cuts him off with a scoff and leans back in his chair, spreading his hands wide. “Kid. Who do you think you’re talking to?” Hux only lifts his brows again. “Threepio, you heard the kid. Break out the good stuff.”  _

_ “Of course, Master Han, right away, sir!”  _

_ The droid returns promptly and Hux watches it pour all four of them a splash of brandy. Ben and Leia are staring at each other looking slightly panicked, but Hux can’t pay attention because Han is staring at  _ him  _ with an alarmingly Ben-like smirk on his lips.  _

_ Ben scowls at Leia and flicks his eyes twice to Han. She shrugs her shoulders and lifts her hands, as if to say, ‘What do you want me to do about it?’ _

_ Ben watches Hux in mounting alarm because Hux loves a challenge and Han loves to be challenging. What’s more, though Ben hadn’t realized it until this exact second, is Hux is just as, if not more, stubborn than Han is.  _

_ Han is going to drink him under the table.  _

_ “Hux--” Ben hisses under his breath, but Hux just elbows him and meets Han’s eyes steadily.  _

_ It pisses Han off. Ben can see it in the way his lips curl into that little smirk he always wears when he’s about to thoroughly fuck up someone’s night. Ben’s seen it enough to know it’s never a good sign.  _

_ And then there’s Hux, just staring back at him, completely unintimidated. Then Ben sees his nostrils flare and he realizes both men are entirely aware of what the other is doing.  _

_ Ben and Leia glance at each other and Ben thinks, by the way her eyes narrow, that they have both realized the same thing at the same time: Hux and Han are alarmingly similar.  _

_ Ben looks away and tries stridently not to think that he’s dating his father.  _

_ Han lifts his glass. Hux lifts his.  _

_ They both drain the glasses at the same time, and when Hux sets his down, he’s aware that Ben has gone a little stiff beside him. Han says, “Hey, Threepio, gimme that bottle.” _

_ “Of course, sir.”  _

_ Han reaches for Hux’s glass and fills it again. They drain them. Hux sees his lips curl even more and he fills them again.  _

_ “Han!” Leia hisses, just as Ben says “Take it easy,” under his breath all quiet like he doesn’t want his father to hear.  _

_ “Kid doesn’t have to drink it.” He lifts his glass and says, “Do ya, kid?” Hux lifts a brow, then his own glass. “Good man,” Han says again. _

_ They drain them.  _

_ They repeat this process three more times and then the bottle is empty. Leia is staring at Hux in what he can only describe as amused terror. Ben has his head in his hands.  _

_ Han looks impressed.  _

_ When Hux turns his head, the whole room twists. “You didn’t drink your brandy, Ben,” he says accusatorily.  _

_ Ben lifts his head, glares at Hux, and empties the glass with a grimace. “I didn’t think I’d have to worry about  _ running out--”

_ “We’re not out!” Han interrupts, his voice louder than usual. “Got a whole nother case somewheres, Threepio can find it--” _

_ “Right away, sir!” _

_ “No!” Leia shouts, making them all jump. “We’re fine, Threepio, why don’t you go see if Luke and Rey and Chewie need anything?”  _

_ “Of course, madam.”  _

_ She glares at Han. _

_ “What?”  _

_ Leia stands, points her finger at Han, and jerks her chin.  _

_ “What?” he drawls, making the vowel sound like three separate syllables. Hux suddenly understands some of the subtles of Ben’s speech patterns.  _

_ Leia doesn’t say anything, just glares menacingly, and then goes to leave the room, only pausing to ruffle Ben’s hair.  _

_ “Getting long,” she mutters as she turns to go. “You should let Threepio cut it before you go.”  _

_ “No, mom, my hair is fine,” Ben mutters back, almost sulkily.  _

_ “You’re starting to look like Chewie,” she taunts lightly. “Just a trim.”  _

_ “Mom, stop.” _

_ “Listen to your mother, Ben,” Han slurs slightly. “Don’t want anyone mistaking the distinguished senator’s son for pirate’s spawn do we?” He grins and Leia does too, and Hux isn’t sure why Ben goes completely scarlet and glances at him. “Tell him, kid,” Han says to Hux, jerking his chin at Ben. _

_ “I like it. That way.” Hux says firmly, glad when his words come out crisp, if a little hesitant. Han snorts, Leia smirks, but Ben stares at Hux in spectacular silence. “What?”  _

_ Ben grins, wide, and unrestrained, and Hux looks away because his teeth are too bright and all the amber in his eyes shines when he smiles like that.  _

_ “What do your parents do, Hux?” Han asks and Ben knows he’s uncomfortable with the way Ben is grinning at Hux, so he’s trying to distract them.  _

_ Hux leans forward and starts talking about his father’s job and Ben stands, thinking he can probably buy himself a few minutes to piss before Han wanders into sensitive territory and forces Ben to change the topic.  _

_ He makes it quick, but as he’s shutting the door to the bathroom behind him on the way back to the dining room, he feels a hand land on the small of his back. He turns his head and the hand dips lower.  _

_ He grins at Hux. Hux smiles back, slow and deliberate, and Ben feels his heart skip a beat. Before he can ask him what he’s doing, Hux has him pressed into the corner, body hot and close, one hand on Ben’s hip and the other on the wall by his head, pinning him there.  _

_ “I lied,” Hux says. “I did. Miss you.”  _

_ Ben tilts his head back against the wall. “Someone’s going to see you,” he says pointedly, mostly to distract himself from the way Hux’s looking at him. Ben can tell he’s halfway to hammered by the looseness in his back, even if his arms are straight and strong, holding Ben in place.  _

_ “So?” Hux asks, before leaning in and kissing Ben like he’d smiled: slow and deliberate, and downright  _ predatory. 

_ When he pulls back, Ben says breathlessly, “Cut it out. We still have to go back for dessert.”  _

_ “Why should I?” Hux asks him, leaning in and putting his mouth near Ben’s ear. The hallway is dark and quiet. Ben can hear everyone laughing only a room over. He turns his chin toward Hux. “You’ve been very unagreeable, you know.”  _

_ “I have?”  _

_ “Yes. Calling me ‘Tig’ in front of. Everybody. Leaving me to talk. About. My father with your. Parents. And then the whole thing with the. Jedi. Girl--” _

_ “That wasn’t my fault.”  _

_ Hux lifts his hand from the wall and puts it at the base of Ben’s throat. Ben’s pupils swell instantly, and Hux feels himself smirk. Ben is so damn  _ easy.  _ “I bet you didn’t even do what. I told you to do. Before you left. Do you remember?” The hand on Ben’s hip traces his waistband and Ben sucks in air through his teeth. _

_ “We’re in a hallway. Anyone could see us.”  _

_ Hux dips his fingers into the waistband and Ben breathes out sharply, his head falling on his shoulders a little. “I asked you a question, Solo.”  _

_ “I did what you asked.” Ben’s voice is halfway to a pleading whine. “Which is why you need to  _ stop doing that.” 

_ “I don’t believe you,” Hux taunts and he drops his hand lower. This time Ben does whine, quiet and unintentional, in the back of his throat.  _

_ “I promise,” Ben says, and there is a ragged, desperate note in his voice, “that I haven’t touched myself even once, alright? I told you I wouldn’t.”  _

_ “Yes, but you're so  _ weak  _ when I’m not around to keep you in line.” He smirks against Ben’s ear because of course, he’s fully hard in his pants and Hux is barely touching him.  _

_ “I promise,” Ben says again and Hux pulls back enough that Ben can see him grin.  _

_ “You’re not lying to me?”  _

_ “I’d never lie to you. Specially not about jerking off.”  _

_ Hux kisses him hard and rough and Ben forgets that his parents are in the next room. The hand on his pants tightens, and Huxs hand on his throat tightens and it’s all he can do to keep quiet.  _

_ “I have.” Hux let’s the words hang in the air, and he feels Ben start to unravel at his fingertips. His adam's apple bobs and his dick twitches under Hux’s palm. “Do you know what I was thinking of?”  _

_ Ben doesn’t reply until Hux squeezes his throat, short and sharp. Then he gasps and says, “No.”  _

_ Hux puts his lips on Ben’s ear and says, “I was thinking about you. I was thinking about the last time we fucked. How you begged me for it.”  _

_ “You’ve had too much to drink,” Ben says, voice high and thin, and Hux laughs, a deliberate sort of chuckle.  _

_ “Tell me to stop.”  _

_ Ben looks at him and weighs the pros and cons of each option. In the end, he lets his head fall against the wall and his eyes roll back when Hux starts to move the hand between his legs in earnest.  _

_ “Look at me.”  _

_ So Ben does. He meets Hux’s eyes and stares at him and Hux stares back and he feels like he’s sinking into the ocean, letting the waves pound him into soft silty sand and it’s all he can do not cry out because even this feels so good so good so good and the hand at his throat is perfect perfect and three weeks really is such a long time and Hux smells like salt water and Hux is-- Tig.  _

_ The world halts on that name. _

_ The planet stops spinning.  _

_ His brain stops careening.  _

_ Tig.  _

_ He’s going to have to change his pants if Hux doesn’t stop this soon. That seems problematic and more than a little embarrassing. It’s not a good look for a grown man, Ben decides-- getting an over-the-pants handy from his boyfriend in his parent’s hallway like he’s fifteen (of course, at fifteen he would most certainly  _ not  _ have been in the hallway. His mother would have murdered him.) But he still can’t quite bring himself to tell Hux to stop.  _

_ Hux smirks at him then, as if he knows what Ben’s thinking, and says, “I’m going to  _ ruin  _ you, Solo. I’m going to--” _

_ “Hey, hey, hey!” A furious voice makes both of them jump and before Ben can respond, Hux has been yanked away from him. _

_ Han fists both his hands in Hux’s shirt front and slams him to the wall and Ben shouts furiously, “ _ Dad!” 

_ “You keep your kriffing hands off my boy, you slimy little weasel!”  _

_ Hux’s eyes dart to Ben, wide and completely non-plussed, and Ben hisses again, ”Dad!”  _

_ Leia appears in the doorway and Ben thinks he’s going to melt into the wall. He’s never been so embarrassed. Not once. “What’s going on?” Leia says sharply. Then, “ _ Han! Let go of him!” 

_ “Leia, he was  _ choking _ our son!”  _

_ “He was what--” _

_ “ _ Dad!”  _ Ben shouts and they all turn to look at him. Hux, drunk and contrary as he is, is grinning incredulously at Han now and it’s only making Han angrier.  _

_ Ben doesn’t say anything. He just stands there looking livid, fists clenched at his sides, and then Leia’s face clears and she says, “Oh, seven hells. In the  _ hallway,  _ Ben?”  _

_ Ben glares at Hux. Hux says almost viciously, “Sorry, Mrs. Solo.” Then he looks pointedly at Han and says, “You’re stretching my sweater.”  _

_ Han looks at Leia, then at Ben, then understanding finally hits him and he thrusts Hux away. “ _ Fucking hell,  _ are you kidding me?”  _

_ Luke appears in the doorway and says, “Everything alright?”  _

_ “It’s fine,” Leia says, shaking her head and glaring at Ben.  _

_ But Han cuts her off and shouts, “Oh, yeah, fine, fine, my son’s a goddamn blalack is all.”  _

_ “Han!” Leia hisses, completely scandalized just as Ben spits, “Dad!” his complete mortification filling the room like a palpable thing.  _

_ Luke blinks, nonplussed, and says “Alright then,” before turning on his heel and disappearing.  _

_ Han follows Leia out of the hallway and Hux tugs his sweater back into place. When he looks up at Ben, the other man is glowering, eyes flashing in a way Hux rather enjoys.  _

_ “That could have gone worse,” he says lightly.  _

_ “My father tried to put you through a wall.”  _

_ Hux shrugs. “He’s old. He’s not very strong.”  _

_ “Let him hear you say that,” Ben warns.  _

_ “What’s a blalack?” Ben goes firered and Hux raises his brows. “What?”  _

_ “It’s a… it’s a pirate curse.”  _

_ “Yes, and?” _

_ “Well, there’s not really a word… in basic… It’s really foul.”  _

_ “What does it  _ mean,  _ Ben?”  _

_ Ben looks like he wants his head to sink into his shoulders and he says, “It’s a word for a… a sort of whore who likes to get… tied up.” Hux considers Ben for a long, tense moment. Then he laughs in his face.  _

_ Ben colors. “It’s not funny.”  _

_ “It’s kriffing hysterical.”  _

_ “Tig, my dad  _ saw us.” 

_ “Good. Maybe he’ll stop looking at me like that if he knows I bend you over and not the other way around. And stop calling me that.”  _

_ “We do the other way plenty.”  _

_ “You know what I mean.”  _

_ “He’s not looking at you any special way.”  _

_ “He doesn’t like me.”  _

_ Ben frowns. “He likes you fine.”  _

_ “Don’t lie to me.”  _

_ “I--” _

_ “Dessert, you two heathens!” Han calls without stepping back into the hallway. “Hurry it up before we have to explain to the kid why you’re taking so long!”  _

_ Hux thrusts his hands into his pockets and shrugs.  _

_ Ben makes sure any trace of amorousness is no longer visible on his person before he steps back into the kitchen, cheeks red. Hux follows him looking entirely unaffected.  _

_ The moment they step through the door, the wookiee says something that makes everyone but Rey laugh, and makes Ben blush harder. Rey says, “What’s that second word mean?”  _

_ And Luke says sharply, “Nothing,” before anyone can respond.  _

_ Rey glares. _

_ Hux can hear Han grumbling across the room, but he doesn’t know what he’s saying. Then he hears Leia respond, “What do you expect, you poured half a bottle of brandy down the boy’s throat.”  _

_ They eat dessert.  _

_ Hux feels like something has shifted.  _

_ Leia is frowning at him, but it’s not the stilted, awkward expression she’d worn for half the night when she wasn’t trying to smile at him, or at Ben. It reminds him of his own mother, after he’s done something he knows he shouldn’t. And Han has stopped smiling at him with that vicious curl of his lips and instead is openly taunting him with comments about his red hair or his family’s political leanings. Hux responds with quick insults and sharp jabs and Han’s taunting gets worse, but the rest of the family starts smiling more.  _

_ Ben is positively beaming.  _

_ Once the rest of the brandy hits him, Hux can’t stop staring at him.  _

_ He’s stunning. He always has been, but there’s something wonderful about watching him here, watching his mother dote on him and his father taunt him. Watching his skin flush under his freckles because he father shouts that Ben needs another drink even when Leia tries to stop him from pouring it. Rey admires Ben, Hux realizes. She keeps trying to get him to play holochess with her, and once, when no one is paying attention but Hux, she moves Ben’s fork across his plate with the Force, making him glare at her.  _

_ “Hey! I’m talking to ya, princess,” Han snaps at Hux, clicking his fingers. “You can quit staring at him, he’s not going anywhere.”  _

_ “Dad,” Ben whispers sharply.  _

_ “Dad!” Han replies, pulling a face.  _

_ “What were you saying, Mr. Solo?” Hux replies, trying to at least be a little more respectful than he’s been thus far; Han did catch him trying to half asphyxiate his son, so Hux supposes the least he can do now is be polite.  _

_ “Ah, whatever, you two keep making eyes at each other. I’m getting another drink. Hey, Threepio!”  _

_ Ben looks at Hux, sees the way he’s swaying in his seat and says, “Are you alright?”  _

_ “I’m fine, you idiot. What do you think is wrong with me?”  _

_ “You drank a lot.”  _

_ “I can handle a little booze, Solo.”  _

_ Ben grins and glances around the room before scooting his chair closer to Hux. Hux feels his face flush and he leans in before he can stop himself.  _

_ “I’ve never seen you trashed before. You're cute when your face is all red like that.”  _

_ Hux blushes furiously. “Shut up.” He crosses his arms and looks away.  _

_ Ben pushes his fingers through the hair at Hax’s ear and only pulls his hand back when Hux jerks his head. “Dad’s insulting you.” _

_ “I noticed.”  _

_ “It means he likes you. I told you.”  _

_ “That’s fine for you,” Hux retorts. “I don’t care if your parents like me or not.”  _

_ Ben chuckles because he can see in the lines of Hux’s shoulders that he does care very much. “Well, I’m glad they do. Because I intend for them to see more of you.”  _

_ Hux turns his head and Ben smiles. “Really?” he mutters, almost, Ben thinks, against his will.  _

_ “Course, stupid.” Ben leans in again. “I love you.”  _

_ Hux flips his hair out of his eyes and then looks away before saying with complete nonchalance, “I know.”  _

_ Ben’s grin widens, and Hux feels something warm and tight pull in the bottom of his stomach. Before he can examine the feeling further, he has to look up because Leia is choking loudly on her drink. When Hux lifts his eyes, he finds Han staring at him in utter terror.  _

_ “Mom, are you alright?” Ben says sharply. Han pats her on the back.  _

_ “Fine,” she says, voice high. “Fine, Ben. Just… drink… wrong way. I’m fine.”  _

_ “Are you alright, Mr. Solo?” Hux asks pointedly. “You’re staring.” _

_ Han shudders visibly and shakes his hands like he’s touched something slimy before saying, “Fuck, I need another a drink.” _

_ “You and me both,” Leia hisses, standing herself and moving to join Luke, Rey, Chewie, and the gold droid in the dining room. _

_ Ben watches them go with a strange look on his face.  _

_ Hux says, “Your parents are weird.”  _

_ Ben nods. “You have no idea.” He looks back at Hux then and when he smirks, it’s a dark, secret sort of expression that makes Hux’s fingertips tingle. “It’s getting late,” Ben says carefully. “I think I might… go to bed.”  _

_ “Bed.”  _

_ “Yeah. Bed. You can just have Threepio show you where your room is when you’re… ready.”  _

_ Hux looks at him carefully, then nods.  _

_ Ben stands. Hux watches him make his excuses and say his good nights. Luke and Rey leave ten minutes later. Rey hugs Hux around the middle before he can get away from her or think of a way to avoid the embrace. Luke shakes his hand.   _

_ He only has to wait five more minutes for the gold droid to come bustling back in the room, picking up the empty liqueur glasses. Then he says his own good nights.  _

_ The droid leads him to his room, yammering apologies about the non-existent dust on the walls the whole time. Hux absently thinks it’s about time someone performed a memory wipe on the thing. It’s getting  _ eccentric. 

_ The room is pitch black. Ben finds him before he can find the light.  _

_ And then he doesn’t care about the light anymore.  _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s looking at Kylo like he’s annoyed with him, like he’s amused by him, like Kylo’s a puzzle he wants to work out and Kylo wonders if the fact that he hasn’t quite yet makes him seriously consider smashing all the pieces until they fit together the way he wants them too.
> 
> Kylo can feels his eyes glazing a little at the thought. Hux is good at smashing Kylo to bits. He’s better at putting him back together again.
> 
> Kylo says, “Hux,” and watches the word settle, dark and gritty over Hux’s shoulders. It still amazes Kylo, a little, that his lips around that word can make Hux blush like he’d said the filthiest, most secret thing, that the rumble in his chest, the bass in his voice, makes Hux’s ribs vibrate.
> 
> This time Hux’s lip curls and it’s Kylo’s turn to shudder because the expression is… it doesn’t bode well for him. It’s cruel. It’s mean. It’s--
> 
> Beautiful.

Kylo’s cheeks are wet when he realizes he’s standing in Hux’s General’s quarters and not pinning Hux to the wall of his childhood bedroom, hands tangled in his hair, gasping his name into his ear. He puts his head in his hands and tries to dry his eyes before Hux can see. Because Hux can’t see this. He can’t. 

The silence goes on for too long and he knows Hux is staring at him. He doesn’t want to look up. Instead, he says to his feet, “See? We’re both traitors.” 

He hears a breath of laughter and it’s so condescending it makes his skin burn. He looks up sharply and finds Hux staring at him, incredulous, disgusted, angry. 

“You will never cease to amaze, will you, Ren?” he says, and Kylo knows better than to mistake his tone for complimentary. “The might of the Force at your fingertips, the First Order army at your back. And in that sick, twisted brain of yours, you dream of--” He starts to laugh and Kylo thinks the sound is like comm feedback, high pitched and so grating it makes him physically ill. “Ah, fuck, Ren I don't even know how to summarize that pitiful excuse for a fantasy.” Hux shakes his head, then puts his hands to his face. Ostensibly to laugh at him, but Kylo sees his hands tremble. 

“I have others,” Kylo says sharply, anger rising in his throat. He remembers then, the way Hux had controlled his own Force dream, the way Kylo had felt such shining worship-- because Hux  _ wanted  _ him to. In his head, Hux-- Tig, he thinks almost wryly-- had loved him as much as he had loved Hux. “I think you’d like the others. In one there’s even two of you.” He smirks then because Hux can’t help but look at him. 

“Anything--  _ anything--  _ would be preferable to--”

“What’s the matter, General?” he snaps, and he’s trying hard to push down the strange combination of shame and fury and giddiness roiling in his stomach. “Are you angry because I made you love me, or ashamed because I didn’t have to?” 

Hux’s eyes snap to his face and Kylo grins, hot and angry and unrestrained. There’s color in Hux’s cheeks and Kylo thinks his eyes look a little wild, like the ocean just before a storm hits. 

Hux opens his mouth to speak, but Kylo has had enough. He’s been berated. He’s been commanded and yelled at and choked and most of it was good, most of it was literal fantasy, but none of it had, in this reality, been the slightest bit satisfying, and some of it had been grating and uncomfortable and unexpected and he’s not Ben, Ben is dead, and Hux isn’t Tig, and thank fuck for that because Ben might have thought Tig was sweet and endearing but Kylo wants the emperor. 

Kylo wants Hux. 

And he’s tired of waiting. 

His hand lashs out like he’s stopping a blaster shot, whip fast, and satisfying because Hux can’t even follow the movement, and he drags Hux forward by his shirt, watches Hux’s eyes go wide, and sees a flare satisfaction vying with his typical disgruntled annoyance, and he whispers against Hux’s lips, “I think I’ve had enough fantasies for one night, General.”

“I think you--” 

Kylo kisses him before he can finish his thought. He watches Hux when he does it-- Hux’s eyes are wide and angry, but then Kylo bites his lip, feels him jump. Hux’s beautiful eyes roll back in his head and Kylo is thinking of waves again, pounding against him, incessant and unavoidable and breathtaking and powerful and beautiful and utterly terrifying, pulling him under, sucking him down and filling his lungs with salt and desperation and.   
And he’s closed his own eyes and doesn’t remember when. 

Hux has his fingers fisted in Kylo’s hair, directing him with it, crushing their mouths together with his vicious, unerring hands, and he’s breathing all Kylo’s air and all Kylo can think about is  _ Emperor Hux  _ and  _ Tig  _ and he knows which one he wants, which one he prefers because one is closer to the truth than the other and Kylo wants the truth he wants it it’s better it’s what he  _ needs  _ and his own head couldn’t come up with something so fucking perfect fucking perfect fucking fuck fucking perfect and when had Hux taken his sleep shirt off and fucking  _ hell  _ how is his skin so hot and so smooth and--

Kylo peels himself away, gasping, and shaking, and not knowing what he was thinking. He’d thought for a second, one second, maybe he’d make Hux shiver tonight. Maybe he’d make him ask Kylo for all the ways he wanted to be touched. And maybe, if Kylo was feeling particularly generous, he’d comply. 

He laughs then, a short, amazed sound that makes Hux’s eyes on him go sharp and annoyed, because how could he ever possibly think that Hux is that kind of man? General Hux, with iron in his veins and galaxies in his chest. General Hux who carries the weight of the whole First Order like his shoulders had been carved for it. 

Kylo stares into the oceans in his eyes and wonders how much longer the adoration from Hux’s fantasy is supposed to linger.   
It feels like he’s staring for a long time, like eternities are passing and the ocean is swelling and it’s going to swallow him, but really, it’s only enough time for him to take in one huge breath and then Hux has his hands at Kylo’s waist and he’s trying to loosen his pants and Kylo moans without thinking about it when Hux’s bare hand comes to rest just above his belly button--

His boots and pants are heavy and frustrating and  _ complicated  _ and he can’t just peel out of them like Hux can fall out of his sleep clothes and they’re both tugging at different ties until Hux’s hips hit the bed and he sits almost like he’s surprised. 

He’s looking at Kylo like he’s annoyed with him, like he’s amused by him, like Kylo’s a puzzle he wants to work out and Kylo wonders if the fact that he hasn’t quite yet makes him seriously consider smashing all the pieces until they fit together the way  _ he  _ wants them too. 

Kylo can feels his eyes glazing a little at the thought. Hux is good at smashing Kylo to bits. He’s better at putting him back together again. 

Kylo says, “Hux,” and watches the word settle, dark and gritty over Hux’s shoulders. It still amazes Kylo, a little, that his lips around that word can make Hux blush like he’d said the filthiest, most secret thing, that the rumble in his chest, the bass in his voice, makes Hux’s ribs vibrate. 

This time Hux’s lip curls and it’s Kylo’s turn to shudder because the expression is… it doesn’t bode well for him. It’s cruel. It’s mean. It’s--

Beautiful. 

_ Fuck. _

It’s gone just as quickly as it appeared and he looks strange. It takes Kylo a moment to pinpoint why. But…

His face looks… soft. Open. His hair is in his eyes and he’s watching Kylo… watching Kylo lick his lips, watching Kylo finally--  _ fuck finally--  _ get out of his boots, watching him drop his pants and then Hux’s eyes drop too and Kylo feels his gaze like fingers on his thighs and--

Hux lifts his chin and flips his hair out of his eyes. He pushes himself back on the bed and Kylo feels like the room is shaking even though he knows it isn’t it isn’t it’s him isn’t it he’s trembling and he’s done this  _ they’ve done this before  _ haven't they but it doesn’t feel like that it doesn’t the lights start flashing only Kylo doesn’t quite notice because it feels like it feels like it feels like--

He thinks of their first time. He thinks of his room and his soft sleep pants rubbing against him and he’d wanted Hux so  _ badly _ . His stupid fucking pants, all silk and expensive because he’s commander here, he  _ matters  _ here everywhere except in his head, and those kriffing pants had been holding him all in, rubbing against his skin  _ to soft  _ when all he wanted was Hux’s hard hands and when the thought struck him it had  _ made it all worse  _ until Hux had started calling him--

\--Sweetheart--

He’s on the bed, smothering Hux with his lips before he can stop himself. And Hux is Hux so he tilts his head so Kylo can kiss his neck and he pinches Kylo’s nipples until Kylo  _ can’t fucking think straight  _ and Kylo thinks this is all going alarmingly well until Hux’s legs wrap around his middle and he realizes he’s on top he’s on--top-- and  _ they never  _ because fuck he loves looking up at him so fucking much he’s so  _ fucking beautiful  _ from Kylo’s back--

Kylo tries to roll over, to drag Hux with him, but Hux holds him there, presses his own shoulders into the mattress and Kylo pulls back sharply like he’s been stung, one fist pressed into the mattress by Hux’s hip, the other hovering awkwardly in the air because his whole fucking world just ground to a halt and when he looks down at his floating fist it’s shaking. 

“What’s wrong?” Hux asks, voice pitched low in the dark like someone will hear them. He’s whispering. There’s something soft there. Soft. Hux isn’t soft. Hux is all corners and edges and polished grit and shiny steel and  _ this isn’t right what’s he doing. _

“What are you-- doing,” Kylo manages to grind out because he knows, he knows, there’s something in his eye he’s doing  _ something  _ and what is Kylo supposed to think right now if Hux doesn’t tell him? 

Hux tilts his head at him and says, “Waiting for you to fuck me.” 

Kylo squeezes his eyes shut, shakes his head because oceans and waves and salt water and  _ Sweetheart fuck Kylo fuck-- _

“You want--me--to--” 

Hux rolls his eyes and lifts his hips, pushes the sleep pants off as far as they will go. Kylo drags them off the rest of the way and that’s it. There's just Hux now. 

Kylo peers down at Hux’s chest because it’s easier than looking at his face. He’s strong and muscular. He doesn’t look it when he’s dressed, when he’s dressed, all his strength is in his back, in his uniform, but when he’s naked it’s all in his eyes so Kylo can’t look there, he has to look at the way his chest is curving instead, at the lines of his abdominals, at the V shaped dip at his hips that fervently directs Kylo’s eyes to what he is certain is the most beautiful cock any man has ever been able to lay claim to and the first time he’d thought it, he’d felt ridiculous because  _ appearance  _ in a dick was entirely secondary to utility in Kylo’s opinion until the moment he’d seen this one. 

Hux tilts his head back so Kylo can see the long, creamy column of his neck, and says, “Would you just get on with it already?” 

Kylo feels a grin split his face even as his heart lurches because that’s about as close as Hux will ever get to begging and Kylo’s never even seen this before. Hux’s eyes flash and Kylo thinks again that something something something is not right is wrong even as he’s dragging his own fingers across his tongue something’s different what is it what is it what--

Hux moans too loudly when Kylo pushes his first finger inside. He thinks of that first time again, how Hux had been so tense and tight, how he’d clenched around Kylo until Kylo had been sure even one finger was an impossibility and then there had been  _ three  _ and then there had been  _ Kylo _ . It’s not like that now. 

But still Hux hisses, “Slower,” and Kylo obeys because when Hux talks, Kylo obeys.

“ _ Fuck, Kylo, yes--”  _

And Kylo thinks

“More, fuck, sweetheart, yes, more.” 

What’s

“That’s so good, so good, yes.” 

Happening 

“Hux.” Kylo’s voice is fraying, splintering and when Hux’s eyes snap open they’re so… Kylo doesn’t know, he doesn’t know what he’s seeing but it’s not like anything Hux has ever shown him before. 

The lights flicker again and Kylo lifts his free hand. He’s damn near certain Hux keeps his lube on the dresser just because he likes to watch Kylo use the Force to retrieve it and Kylo has a far away thought that using the Force for sex is probably so sacrilegious it should make him blush but how is he supposed to resist when those dreams had felt  _ so good-- _

He’s burning. 

Hux looks small splayed out underneath him and he wonders if that’s why he usually likes to be on top, if that’s why Kylo usually likes him there too. 

Kylo watches Hux’s hands fist in the sheets and his eyes roll back when Kylo pulls his fingers out but before Kylo can line himself up, can push back inside, Hux’s arms come up and wrap around his shoulders, his neck, force him down and Hux’s chest doesn’t feel quite so small when it’s crushed to Kylo’s, it feels broad and hot and sweat-slick, and Kylo thinks he can almost feel all those galaxies pulsing and there’s a note of sheer panic in his voice when he says again, “Hux.”

One of Hux’s hands fists in his hair, crushes his head to Hux’s shoulder. The other claws at his back, and Hux whispers so softly Kylo almost misses it, “Come on.” 

Kylo pushes inside, torturously slow and his mind feels like sand wiped clean by the waves, by Hux’s voice when it cracks with the truly obscene sound he’s just made.

Kylo thinks of nothing 

But 

This

Of Hux tight and hot and slick around him, of his legs squeezing Kylo so hard around the middle he can’t breath, of his beautiful cock leaving wet streaks on the corded plans of his stomach, of his voice, ragged and desperate, shouting, wordless, and Kylo’s still louder, he’s always louder and something something something  _ is wrong-- _

_ “Hux.”  _

_ “Yes, fuck, maker, force, you’re so good for me, Kylo, you’re so good.”  _

It’s not-- he hadn’t wanted-- this,  _ fuck,  _ it’s like teasing, only not because it’s so good, it feels, he’s inside, and it feels and he feels like, “Hux,  _ please--”  _

Hux isn’t commanding him, he’s not holding him, he’s not  _ controlling  _ anything and Kylo  _ needs him too _ , that’s what he had wanted from the start, what he’d spent  _ five kriffing cycles  _ in his rooms thinking about, what he’d needed to calm the quaking in his chest, to make himself  _ stop shaking, fuck  _ what they’d  _ both  _ fantasized about in one form or another and Hux is holding him sweetly, he’s moaning in his ear, he’s kissing his shoulder and biting his neck, and he’s  _ denying Kylo the one thing _ \--

Kylo makes a sound in the back of his throat, desperate and high and he’s burning he’s burning, he’s, “Hux, please, Hux please-- General--”

Hux is holding him so tightly and Kylo never wants him to let go. When he moans again it sounds like he’s sobbing and he says again, “Hux, please, please, please.” 

Kylo feels like his chest is going to break apart. It hurts. He can’t take it. 

Hux is holding him. Hux is never going to let him go. 

Hux comes and it takes Kylo by surprise. He thinks it surprises Hux too, by the way his eyes snap open, by the way he stares at Kylo like Kylo is  _ everything _ and his eyes are cracked and open and completely unreserved in that way that only comes with orgasm, in that way that Hux usually hides from him, never, never, never lets him see but he did this time, he did and Kylo wishes he hadn't because seeing it feels like standing on the edge of a cliff watching the waves pounding the shore and he knows he has to jump or he’s already falling and he always feels like that with Hux, always feels like the universe revolves around Hux only now he realizes why and it hurts and it’s stronger than the waves and stronger than the dark and stronger than--

Kylo.

When he comes it’s like a dam bursting and he holds Hux because he can’t stop himself, because he can’t let go, he can’t, he can’t, and he buries his face against Hux’s neck and--

Sobs.

Hux is quiet. Kylo’s not surprised. Kylo's holding him like someone is trying to take him away with his nose buried so tightly behind Hux’s ear he can’t breath. 

Kylo feels Hux still, feels the last tremors of climax leave his body and then, curtly, but gently, Hux shifts and taps Kylo on the shoulder. 

Kylo pulls out, rolls aside, buries his face in Hux’s pillow because he doesn't want Hux to see him like this, knows Hux would stare at him with pure disgust on his face and Kylo can’t see that can’t can’t can’t see it he can’t and he’s still holding himself up on his elbows and knees because Hux would be mad be mad he’d be mad if Kylo got Hux’s sheets dirty and he opens his mouth to scream into the pillow but no sound comes out.   

He hears Hux stretch and crack his neck. Hears him pad almost silently into the bathroom. The water turns on and Kylo sits up and moves to the edge of the bed. 

He feels empty. 

It takes him a long time to realize it’s because all his anger is gone. He hadn’t realized how angry he had been. 

He’s not angry anymore. 

Hux cracked him like an egg and all the anger leaked out and now he’s just… Kylo. And he’s not sure he knows what that means. 

He hears the water flip off, and Hux strolls out of the bathroom, hair wet, and water still beading off his skin with a towel slung low on his hips. When Kylo looks up at him, he expects Hux’s lip to curl, but it doesn’t. When Hux looks at Kylo, his face is blank. Like a clay mask. Soft at the edges and completely devoid of emotion. 

For a moment, Kylo can’t even feel him. 

He’s holding a hand cloth and he presses it to Kylo’s stomach, leans in in one smooth motion, his other hand coming to rest on Kylo’s shoulder. Kylo feels Hux’s lips pressed to his temple and he whispers words there, words that are so soft, they might as well be air, words that take a long time to penetrate, like they’re reaching Kylo through salt waves, but when they do, he feels himself go stiff and rigid, feels like every fracture Hux has created cracks apart, falls to dust in Hux’s fist. Broken eggshells. 

“You think I love you? Don’t project  _ your _ weakness onto  _ me _ . Ren.” 

He stands, leaves Kylo clenching the cloth to his stomach, and Kylo hates him. Kylo loathes him, loathes every pompous orange hair on his head, detests the way his shoulders are always so straight, abhors the way he always seems to be able to see right through Kylo in a way even Snoke can’t and Snoke  _ lives in his goddamn head.  _

“I saw you,  _ Emperor,”  _ Kylo spits. “I felt exactly  _ what you wanted me to feel.”  _

Hux smiles, slow and deliberate and it’s a terrible expression. He sinks into a chair, limbs spreading so casually he might have been lounging upon a throne. He tilts his head and his newly wet hair falls in his eyes. “Yes, you did. But you seem to have misunderstood. I didn’t make you love me.” He leans forward, elbows moving to his knees, and says darkly, “You adored me _._ You _worshipped_ me. I asked for your devotion, Ren. Not your love. Did you really think I cared to occupy myself with such base and petty sentimentality?” 

Kylo shakes his head. “You’re lying.” 

Hux laughs, sharp and deep and vicious and says, “Your tenuous grasp on reality is slipping,  _ sweetheart _ . Redouble your efforts; you’re no use to me mad. You’re barely any use as it is.”

Realization hits him then. 

Hux had never stopped being furious with him. 

Hux had never stopped hating him. 

Kylo can taste it, metallic and cold and hard in his mouth and he’s going to choke on it. He feels it again, Hux’s anger so fierce and bright it’s like fingers at his throat and Hux’s eyes are so sharp on him, he thinks that maybe he actually  _ is  _ feeling fingers at his throat. 

Hux is staring at him so arrogantly, so completely self assured, and the emotion swirling in Kylo’s chest coalesces into something tight and hard and cold like the hatred pressed against his tongue, grinding against his teeth. 

He lifts his hand. 

Hux gasps like Kylo has burned him. His hands go white on the arms of the chair and his head tilts back and for one brief moment, Kylo is seeing him again, seeing pure, exaltant, terrifying bliss written on his face when Hux still thought he was watching a planet crumble, and then Kylo’s seeing something else. 

_ He’s got his hand on the trooper’s shoulder and he’s squeezing so hard she’s hissing in pain as the joints of her armor dig into her skin. “Fly. Faster.”  _

_ “Sir, the trees-- the planet is collapsing, we can’t--” _

_ “Faster.”  _

“You’re panicking.” Kylo laughs. “Sheer, unadulterated  _ panic.”  _

_ He closes his eyes. He can find him like this. He has to find him. He has. To. Find. Him.  _

_ “Left. Go left.”  _

_ “General, sir--” _

_ “I said ‘left!’” _

_ The shuttle jerks and they all jolt to the side.  _

“You can feel me. You think I’m dying.” 

_ The ground is shaking under his feet. A chasm opens up right beside him and swallows two of the troopers. The pilot grabs his arm at the last second, keeps him from falling sideways. He rolls his ankle. A falling tree brushes against him and he shouts as a branch cracks, lands on his leg, before rolling away, down into the belly of the planet. He’s up and running again before he can think about it and  _ kriff  _ his leg hurts but it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter. Ren is  _ dying.  _ He can’t let that happen. He can’t. Let. That. Happen.  _

“You’re  _ scared,  _ General. So scared you can’t think straight.” Dimly, Kylo is aware that Hux has growled, low in his throat, that he’s pushing back. But Kylo is stronger. 

_ A single black splash on the ground makes him feel like he’s the thing that’s breaking open. He’s not moving. Seven hells, he’s not moving. Oh, no. Oh. Oh, no.  _

_ There’s blood on the ground. He can smell it. He can see it and there’s a lot of it, painting the snow. No. No. No.  _

_ His leg is screaming and he’s sprinting, leaving the troopers behind him. His knees slam into the dirt and snow and his heart slams against his ribs and he’s going to scream. He can’t because they're watching, but inside, inside he’s… _

_ Oh, no. Please. Ren. No.  _

“‘Not this. Anything but this. Take the base but don’t take--’”

_ He grasps Ren’s chin and he doesn’t care if the troopers are watching, he has to feel those lips, those indecent, obscene, beautiful, impossible lips on his just one last time before-- _

_ Ren inhales, shallow and weak, and his eyelids flutter.  _

“Relief. Pure, overwhelming relief, you’re practically giddy with it.” 

_ Ren, you  _ imbecile.

“‘How dare you. How dare you make me feel like this. How dare you make me  _ fear.’”  _

Kylo drops his hand; Hux gasps and falls back against the seat and when he looks at Kylo there’s nothing but heat in his eyes, and rage, and fading terror. 

“ _ You almost got yourself killed.”  _

Kylo blinks at him. 

“No,” Hux says sharply and again Kylo thinks of a supernova, thinks of all the disgust and anger Hux has been holding in, thinks of knowing it was only a matter of time before Hux tried to extinguish him with it. “ _ You gave up.”  _

“I… what?” 

“I  _ felt  _ it. I  _ felt you,  _ you  _ idiot,  _ you weak willed  _ fool,  _ you  _ gave up.”  _

Kylo wets his lips and when he speaks his words are soft and defensive. “I was  _ dying--” _

_ “You were dead.  _ One more minute, kriff, thirty seconds! If I hadn’t reached you when I did, if. If I hadn’t.” 

Kylo shakes his head because it had been the base, he’d thought it had been the base, Hux had been mad  _ about the base-- _

_ “Sod the base, Kylo, I’ve built one once, I’ll build a hundred more!” _

“Hux.” Hux’s teeth are showing like he’s ready to tear Kylo to pieces. “Hux, I’m sorry.” 

He laughs again and Kylo feels a chill dart up his spine because the sound is  _ raw  _ and Hux is cold, Hux is vicious, Hux is Hux is hard and bright but not  _ raw  _ never that, never anything but pure, refined, cultivated  _ Hux.  _

“Keep your apologies, Ren. I have no use for them. I have no use for you. Not if you’re going to  _ roll over and leave m--”  _ He halts himself and for one split second, Kylo sees his eyes go wide. “And die at the slightest hint of adversity.” Hux shakes his head. “I thought you were a monster, Ren. Turns out, you’re just a man. Turns out, you’re nothing but a  _ disappointment.”  _

The cloth Kylo has been holding slides from his hand. 

Hux says, “Just go,” and turns his head. His hands are still white on the chair. Kylo watches the water beading and sliding down his chest. 

“No.” 

“I don’t want--”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says stubbornly. “And you can’t make me.” 

Kylo watches Hux’s chest stil. Watches his breathing even out. Watches his hands loosen on the chair. 

Kylo doesn’t quite remember standing. He doesn’t quite remember crossing the room. 

He puts his hand on Hux’s shoulder. 

“I’m not going anywhere.”  

Hux doesn’t crack, not really. Kylo wants him to. Kylo wants Hux to crumble for him the way Kylo crumbles for Hux. But Hux can’t do that. Hux isn’t that kind of man. Instead, he sits very still. Stares at the wall. 

But he doesn’t push Kylo away. 

Kylo stands there for a long time, one huge hand engulfing Hux’s thin, muscular shoulder. 

He stares out the window and for the first time in five cycles, he wonders where they are. They’ve left the star that was Hux’s base behind. 

“Where are we going?” 

“We’re taking you to the Supreme Leader,” Hux says, and his voice is… exhausted. 

Kylo’s hand tightens on his shoulder. 

“What?” 

“Supreme Leader Snoke. He wants to finish your training--ow, Kylo, stop--” 

Kylo releases Hux’s shoulder and Hux jolts to his feet. It takes Kylo a second to realize why because it feels like the wind is rushing in his ears and he can feel his eyes so wide like they're about to fall out of his head and Hux says, “What’s--”

“No,” Kylo says sharply. “Not now. No.” 

“What is wrong with you--”

“He’ll see. No, no, no. No. No. He’ll take you away, he’ll  _ see, I need time to hide, I have to hide you, he’ll see, he’ll see, Hux, he’ll see, he’ll--” _

Hux slaps him. 

The bright flare of pain wipes his mind blank and he even though he’s trying to grasp at the panic that had filled him, it’s trickling away like orange sand on the wind in a metal dessert.

Hux grasps his wrists, presses himself so close to Kylo their noses are almost touching and hisses, “I. Don’t. Hide. From anyone. Do you understand me, Ren?” 

Kylo’s eyes are jumping in his head, scanning Hux’s face, his smooth, perfect face, and he says, “You don’t understand, Hux. He’ll  _ take you away from me.”  _

Hux’s eyes are bright and sharp like sunflares and he puts his hand to Kylo’s face, lifts his chin, and says vehemently, “Let him try.” And Kylo thinks,  _ I’ve killed him for you. There is only you. _

Hux kisses him then, hard, and furious, and possessive, and Kylo feels that cold tight thing in his chest go hot and bright and determined. 

He thinks,  _ Let. Him. Try.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELLA POSTED ACTUAL SEX AND I'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE OK YOU GUYS? 
> 
> I hope you like it. :> I hope you liked ALL of this and please tell me how you feel, ok? Cause praise MAKES MY LIFE ALL GOLDEN AND SHINY AND WONDERFUL and critique makes us all better so LAY IT ON ME I CAN TAKE IT. 
> 
> <3
> 
> Ajax, you make my soul sing. Just sayin.


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